Hope Or Despair?

Let me start by saying...

...I hope everyone had a wonderful summer... I did...but it was like all the others that came before it and went by much too quickly... but like previous years there are some glorious memories that will linger indefinitely... I did not do the things I normally do... I spent quite a bit of time researching, writing and in the process of concentrating on something else... I found a few new ways back to myself again... and I'm starting (after a few difficult years) to feel like me again.

A reader sent me an email asking me why I like summer so much... well I grew up in a tropical environment... and I just feel better...so I'm a firm believer in the healing powers of sunlight...it does not just shine on you... you absorb the sun... the light illuminates your blood, your eyes, your heart, your whole you and it energizes you.. so get out and soak up some sun whenever you can... but don't forget the sunscreen and wear a hat if it's intense.

Speaking of time flying...I started this writing project 10 years ago... a few people kept telling me that I should  write a book about my life.. and I was reluctant and the truth is I still am... but in writing some things down I remembered a few forgotten details (some good and a few not so good) that brought me to where I am now... The fact of the matter is... I really have had a wonderful life full of adventure and joy and seasoned here and there with mishaps and despair, I've had a lot of bad days along the way... but that is all they were bad days and not a bad life because I was able to let go and move on from them and didn't hold on to the hurt, pain or fear.... so in examining my life and the players in and out of the story... I have made an outline  for a mystery suspense novel that I'm hoping to eventually publish in the fiction market... I'm taking some of the parts of my life, loves. losses and adventures and weaving it into the story arc of my book mostly for timeline narrative from the mid 70's to the present.

I want to thank each and every one of you for reading over the years here and for the feedback. I have a few ideas about the direction going forward so I really would appreciate any input to what you would like me to address or readdress.This month I'm going to write about what I have been focusing on since last November...If you have any empathy and critical thinking skills... you really can't help at times but feel an overwhelming sense of despair and dread about the sate of affairs in the world right now from the ongoing war in the Ukraine and the mounting cruelty in Israel and Gaza... and perhaps closer to home for most of us... the unravelling of democracy in the United States... I could probably write something every month until the results are released for the election on 7, November 2028... but I'm not going to and I'm going to try to restrain myself from addressing any of the following issues in any sort of depth... unless I absolutely have to... In case you have not been able to keep of with all the chaos...here is a sample of the issues I care about (I'm only outlining it because there is so much more than this that came  previously and  it's sometimes easy to get lost in all the mayhem...

• He is grifting in plain sight
• The illegally imposed tariffs paid for by US consumers
• He seized The Kennedy Center
• He is selling federal buildings
• He is attacking institutions
• He is defying court orders
• He has manipulated the market
• He has weaponized the DOJ
• He got rid of food safety
• He got rid of disease control
• He wants to destroy public land
• He wants to mine seabeds in international waters
• He is extorting minerals from other nations
• He gave an unelected oligarch access to government data
• He has broken trust with our allies
• He is organizing a police state militia against US citizens
• He has weakened global confidence in America
• He is trying to dismantle the Department Of Education and CDC
• In addition there is a laundry list of insane proposals meant to distract everyone from the issues like The Epstein Files by threateining  annexing Canada and Greenland and let's not forget erasing and whitewashing history... and the endless lies and more lies
• Finally he is hurting so many innocent people needlessly while driving up the deficit to historic levels... don't even get me started on Jacqueline Kennedy's rose garden and Barak Obamas official White House portrait.

On top of everything else... Until the proof is disclosed... He is a sexual predator and a pedophile protecting other high profile pedophiles...No matter what... this is what he will always be to me...

He is a liar, his cognition is in serious decline... he is dismantling democracy daily... he has enablers supporting him are laying the ground work to manipulate future elections .. this is all in the last 7 months... America will not survive this for another three and half years... I have had to take a step back from the fray and manufactured mayhem and focus on my own health, happiness and sanity... But if there is something actually positive from all of static and noise of these horrible days we are living in right now... it's that it's become very clear who we are and what we stand for and what matters... Who will you be? What will you stand for? Decide and live and act accordingly to those standards. 

I'm going to share with you some of the things that I have been thinking about since last January and more specifically this past summer... besides playing tennis...

and spending time with friends...

I've always found some strength and insight from the wise words of Isak Dinesen... "The cure for everything is salt water... sweat, tears or the sea."... I've found over the years it really is not a cure... but a wonderful remedy with restorative power to heal.

Some situations and people are portals...you need to pay close attention and choose the ones that lead to your hearts desires and the help build the core of your journey positively... all of this starts with the things you think about and how you think...the happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts because your soul takes the color and shape of what you concentrate on... I've had to train myself to take my sleep patterns back... starting in 2016 I would lay in bed and analyze and obsess about.. well almost everything that was happening and what could happen... it's important to be well informed of what is going on in the world and even in your neighborhood right outside your door... but more importantly what is happening in your life and inside your house should be the top priority... The difference  is now I'm not letting the state of affairs of the world rob me of my beauty sleep and happiness and all the really important aspects of my life.

Your mind will believe everything you tell it. Feed it hope. Feed it truth. Feed it with Love... Often in life we have no choice but face despair and find a way out of it to the other side... to find joy... but to get there you need hope.

So..remember you have to deal with things... you have to face what's going on in the world as much as you do your own life... don't make them the priority when you don't have to... My mantra for the rest of this situation or maybe for the rest of my life is going to be...I'm not wasting my time and energy on things that I don't love. I think we all need to fall in love with ourselves and our life again... I'm only making my favorite foods...and I'm admiring the sunrises and sunsets when I can... because they are not an endless supply for any of us...I'm dancing to the upbeat songs on my playlists (even if I'm by  myself) and usually singing along... I'm wearing my favorite clothes and putting my best foot forward to bring me back to my best self... Once upon a time when life was either teaching me lessons or making me toughen up and face the cold harsh reality of the world I was  drowning  in despair... So  I packed up everything I cared about  and said "All this fucked up shit will not be my story"... and I moved to land far, far away and for the rest of that chapter of my life I lived happily ever after... We all reach a point in life that we can't always do that.. (but I loved it when I did it) and we have to deal with it and change the course of the events any way possible where we are. Sometimes all you need to realize is you are too pretty and well educated for some of the shit and people that life throws at you... all you have to do is move on and just write the negative narrative out of the story... it's as simple as that (not always that easy but you know what I mean)... the older I have gotten the more I've grown with the knowledge that  it's OK to live a life that others don't understand... and never will.

If you have a dream and you need write it all down with a timeline and a date...  then it becomes a goal...if you break the goal down into steps then it becomes a plan... if you back the plan up with actions... the dream can become a reality... but spoiler alert... you sometimes have to go back and make different plans and instigate different actions... but don't give up. (Writing the book helped illustrate this to me)

I have become a big advocate for privacy... the lesson was learned from people who I thought I could trust and they proved otherwise... so if you have dreams, plans or even musings... keep them to yourself. Don't post your every thought on social media...If you want to be up for big changes and adventures...Live it... but stay low key... privacy is everything and it is a safe guard from other people interfering.

But one of the things I will share with you... this year... and the coming years I'm going to make life very personal... in that anything that makes me happy... I'm doing it.

If you read back I wrote previously about know how to read the signs that life shows you... sometimes they are subtle... other times not so much...

But one thing that really helps navigate the directions of life is your intuition (your intuition is an internal voice that does not always use words)... Always listen and don't ignore it... there is a reason you feel a certain way about some people and certain  situations.

Probably one of the most important things I've done for my life is setting boundaries  and not tolerating disrespect and patronizing passive aggressive shit from toxic people... the truth is I grew up with a person who we all had to tiptoe around to keep peace... the only peace we protected was his... over the years everyone else silently suffered and it came with a high price tag... Just because someone is family or they sign your paycheck does not mean you have to tolerate lies, chaos, drama, manipulation and disrespect... For me one of the most satisfying feelings in my life has been walking away from toxic jobs and people knowing that I never had to go back and never needed to tolerate it from anyone again... on top of all that I have finally evolved to a place that the worst I will ever wish for people is that they meet themselves and similar situations in someone else... in not following this I may have risked time in prison for some of the things I once considered even if just half heartedly or in jest for some of the revenge I was fantasizing about... and I finally figured out the negative thoughts were impacting my growth and had no effect on them whatsoever... So I'm handing it over to Karma!

The thing you need to remember about bullies is that they are not always teenagers in middle school... they are often adults in offices who have important titles and wear expensive clothes...that think they have the right to break the spirit of other people so that they can somehow, in some small way feel a little bit better about their pathetic miserable lives.

It's not easy but...building a small circle of friends who are genuine, mature spiritually, who keep some space in their heart and minds for the unimaginable and not bitterness and animosity... and who hold the importance of compassion above judgement and criticism... the ones who grow with you through life... I've let go of a lot of people but the real friends who are still around are more priceless than gold to me. I always remember a quote from Aristotle... "The antidote for fifty enemies is one good friend."

I've said this probably a million times in my life... but to have a friend... you have to be a friend... not everyone we encounter is destined to be one of the long haul people in our lives and that's OK... I sometimes reintegrate on a sort of parallel plane with a lot of these people and places in my dreams or the quiet thoughts waiting for sleep because there is a place between goodnight and good morning where we can sometimes reconnect with the people and things and ideas that somehow fell trough the cracks or got lost between the shadow and the act... lost to time.

So one of the most valuable lessons I learned from walking away and burning bridges is no one should ever feel desperate for anything... whatever it takes to empower yourself... do it in the most unapologetic way. If you need to look up the elements of critical thinking and incorporate them into your every day life and thoughts  that will likely help light the way...

In addition to all the horrible things happening in the world right now...one of the things that has caused me a more than my fair share of despair... for the last 10 years or so... people especially right wing politicians and their constituents  are behaving in an even more deplorable way than ever before (in my opinion) all those people aside... there are countless people I know who are witty and fun and smart... but they lack basic decency... but there is some hope here if you draw very strict boundaries of what you will and won't accept from people... but at the same time we are now being given the opportunity to show everyone we are who we say were are "You can talk the talk... but you have to walk the walk too"... no matter what I will not become like the horrible people crawling out of their caves who feel empowered from hatred and lies.

... if you see someone being silenced in a conversation... intervene and turn the conversation back to them...I can tell you from experience that being with people who won't listen or talk over you or won't let you share your point of view is lonelier than being alone... if you see someone falling behind for any reason slow your pace to match theirs... I had a friend once who was several years older than I am and said to me once "I love having you as a friend for so many reasons but you helped me want to walk faster to keep up with you and the times and see the things that most people my age can't be bothered with anymore"... I want to make one thing perfectly clear right here... don't ever dumb yourself down for anyone ever... make them come up or help bring them up to your level... if someone is left out be the person to include them...show people that they matter...Feeling invisible or silenced can cut so deep into a persons soul and might cause irreparable damage... when you show someone that they are valued and respected that stays with them the same as disdain, insults and humiliation. Remember this... somewhere there are people who still smile when they remember a moment in time with you... and vice versa... How do you want to be remembered?

I'm going to close with something that fascists do to manipulate people.., its confusion, chaos and fear... I made a personal promise with myself last month after reading something that Marguerite Duras wrote...

There has been a lot to despair in the distant and not too distant past of all of our journeys up until today... but I'm holding out for hope and strength... and I will do anything I can to keep them in my life and thoughts... I'm still hoping for a certain obituary with my morning coffee... but that is not going to completely eradicate the mess we are in right now... but it's a start... no matter what... I believe all the way down to my toes that... I'm not going to be ruled by a tyrant or a wanna-be king... I'm going to hold on to the narrative and direction I want for my life at all costs.

I hope you will join me this year and we can discover some of them together... one of the things I'm going to talk about is... at a certain age we need less stuff... and in my case especially... clothing...I have enough things to wear if  live to be 100... so I made a decision... because we still need something new that makes us look and feel like a million dollars now and then... but from now on... I'm following the advice of Vivienne Westwood... "Buy one good thing every year"... choose well, and make it last.

It's important to understand that sometimes hope and despair have to walk hand in hand but... if you give up on hope and your dreams and surrender to despair... all the really important aspects of what makes you... you... will start to evaporate... I'm hopeful we will all find our way... There has been such an orchestrated effort to divide us that I want to share an interesting fact...Your DNA is 99.9 % identical to every other human on earth... it's that 0.1% that accounts for every face, every story, every difference... we have so much common ground with everyone let's celebrate our individual differences and the multitude of things that we share... Finally I wish for this every year on my birthday when I blow out the candles on the cake... I'm not giving up on it...

See you next month... or better yet... Let's meet in British Columbia and soak up some sun....

Oh and one last thing... The fact that sometimes time seems to fly by so fast it's possible to miss some of the important details that can slip unnoticed through the cracks... always keep that in mind because there is a clock ticking for each and every one of us...we can't see it or hear it... but we all need to start feeling it... love who loves you and enjoy your life before the clock starts winding down...and stops. Do not get lost in a sea of despair... be hopeful... be optimistic... it's a lifetime struggle to do this... but it's better than giving up. Don't be afraid... make some noise... bang your own drum... light the path for change no matter how small at first and keep going and share your light with others who might need it too.

September has always symbolized an ending and a beginning for me... The crisp freshness in the air can carry longing or endless new possibilities... let it smell and feel like success and happiness overflowing into every area of your life... but just in case... be open to an Indian summer for one last hot kiss not tasted under the clear blue sky  or a warm embrace on a starry night only yearning for   during July and August.

Me ke aloha!