Arrivals And Departures

It's that time of year! ... December is a chapter of beginnings and endings... or arrivals and departures... It can also be a time of delays...and/or cancellations...

I've probably spent the majority of my winter holidays in Honolulu...except when I was working for Pan Am... I spent the majority of the month of December in far flung places around the world as it's probably the busiest travel month from Thanksgiving until just after New Year's. When I was not living in Honolulu I was fairly savvy about getting home for the holidays... way back when (especially traveling on an airline non-revenue pass) you had to learn the system to know the best days to travel to insure you had a seat or at least a jumpseat... that being said things didn't always go as planned... especially if you were traveling through or from a place that winter weather can interfere with the best laid travel plans even if you paid for a full price ticket... this is where you need your contingency plan... but I'll get back to this...

Before I go on I want to address something that is not discussed enough in my opinion... I am someone who has always said and will always say "Happy Holidays" unless I know for certain your religious beliefs and what Christmas or why any particular holiday is significant to you. I don't say it to generalize the winter holidays because I'm trying to be politically correct or disrespectful... I do it because from 20, November until 24, January there are at least 14 different religious holidays. So when someone says 'Happy Holidays"... just say "Thank you"... because not everyone knows what you believe in... to me it's simply respect and not a war on Christmas. Little story... I'm one of the few people that still send cards through the post ... one year I actually had someone call me on the telephone to say don't send me a card unless  it says "CHRISTMAS" ... I said something to the effect of I would never let it happen again... And... I never sent this person a card again... I have a rather clever way around  all of this since most of my winter holidays were in Hawaii... so I send cards printed with and say to people " Mele Kalikimaka"

Most of my holidays traditions have roots that are from Hawaii and the rest are from London because of the time I've spent there with family and friends in both places...The rest of them I've picked up like souvenirs in my travels... one of the most wonderful things about life and particularly during the holidays is that we can make new traditions that fit with who we are and the people we are with and where we are and we can let go of the outdated ones that are either worn out or don't fit anymore... sometimes it's as simple as some of the people who were significant to the tradition are not in the story now.

Now about those cancellations and delays... I learned really early in the life you need to put on your big boy pants and loose the attitude and be grown up enough to find a solution to problems and deal with the issues in a mature forthright manner....all of this has helped tremendously  during the sometimes mayhem of traveling (especially during the holidays)...but sometimes the best thing you can do is go to the airport lounge and order a drink and eat a bag of popcorn and let the problem unravel itself.

I want to start with... and my dear readers I hope you already know this... Travel can be filled with drama fraught with loss, frustration and miscommunications... so don't snap at the airline employees...(the things I've heard screamed at gate agents and cabin crew would curl your hair)... they want to get you to your destination almost as much as you want to be there... screaming at someone won't make the snow stop or whatever it is that's delayed or cancelled your trip...please remember that they would most likely love to be home with their family and loved ones too... The best way to deal with travel limbo  is  first of all you have a decent sense of humor... be flexible, patient... slow down, take a deep breath and measure your thoughts and words with positivity... I'm not sugarcoating this... who would you rather deal with? A screaming maniac... or a calm, thoughtful person trying to make the best of a difficult situation. During stressful times it's really important to share calmness and professionalism  instead of chaos and insults.

I will pass on a few gems that are still true in terms of booking a flight...

For Domestic Flights... book it at least a month ahead of time.

International Flights... buy the ticket at least two months before you want to travel. (If you are really, really flexible in terms of when you leave and when you return... I've gotten some fantastic last minute deals on flights for aircraft that they are trying to fill up a few days before the scheduled departure)

Holiday Flights...

45 days before a Thanksgiving trip.

60 days before a Christmas trip.

Summer flights... the winter before... the earlier the better.

The most inexpensive days to fly are Tuesday and Wednesday for domestic flights and Thursday for international trips.

I've spent the holidays snowed it at  airport hotels (if we had a fun crew we threw a great holiday party) and when rooms were not available... sleeping in the terminal or crew lounge... Once stranded in Brazil because of a mechanical problem with the aircraft... one of the ground crew was delivering gifts to an orphanage... so we all became impromptu elves and helped. One of the best delays was being stranded in Fiji for a few days until a replacement aircraft could arrive and we could resume our trip to Australia... most of my airline work related holidays were spent at 45,000 feet serving holiday cheer to the people who realized that flying on the actual holiday was one of the easiest and least stressful days of the year to fly... I'm not to sure that's true anymore... it seems like all the flights are oversold and full to capacity every day... but sometimes one of the benefits was crossing the international dateline and celebrating the holiday twice.

One of my early lessons in the travel industry particularly during the month of December... you really need to appreciate and enjoy the space and experience of where you are at any given moment in the travel time line continuum until you reach your final destination...It's an added bonus to be traveling with someone you love for support and camaraderie... and it helps to have snacks, a great playlist, a good book, and your airport outfit (Mine varies depending on the time of year and where I'm going) I've said a few times what you are wearing and your attitude can be the difference between an upgrade to first class enjoying Champagne and caviar... or sitting in a middle seat in the back of the plane close to the lavatory next to a screaming infant. 

Sean Duffy the Transportation Secretary ruffled a few feathers recently when he suggested people try to dress more appropriately on a flight... I never needed this advice... what I wear on a plane typically is part of what I'll be wearing when I get where I'm going (and since I never wear pajamas... ever... I never considered them as travel attire) ...I usually try to have carry on only... so what I'm wearing needs to work with all the clothing in the carry on bag... if I  actually do check the bag and it's lost or misdirected... what I'm wearing needs to get me through until my bag is found or the items replaced...Here is a sample of what I have had for my airport travel ensembles...

If you are brave enough to wear white on a flight... steer clear of anything that could permanently stain in the event of unexpected turbulence.

I wrote previously that I don't make New Year's resolutions... per se... I make affirmations and considerations throughout the year and I dust them off around this time every year and make updates as necessary... some include...

• I don't overshare... I've found a little mystery is a very powerful tool.
• I don't explain my standards to people and I don't lower them.
• I'm not always available... I need down time and scarcity can be alluring and another powerful tool.
• I don't chase anyone or force anything or beg... that means it's not mutual.
• I don't seek validation  or accept disrespect from others.
• I don't gossip because it's passive aggressive hostility.
• I don't brag or boast about my accomplishments or plans or waste time pretending to be something I'm not in order to fit in.

But what I will do is...

• Knowing what I  can and can not do and where I can make a difference.
• Take all the necessary steps to keep learning and be smarter and better informed where it matters.
• I will focus on the perfect or near perfect moments in life and  ignore nonsense.
• Understanding the importance of time and making the best use of it.
• Pay close attention to my ideas, dreams and the vision I have for future me...
• Maybe most importantly I'm very protective of my peace of mind and privacy... anyone who brings bad or wrong energy loses access to me immediately.

Whether it's the goals you set for your life or the resolutions you make to achieve them... If you want great things in life... you have to set big goals... and big goals take big discipline...and quiet consistent work.

I wrote a couple of months ago that I don't want to be a part of the the world that has discontinued respect and kindness... there is way, way too much hatred and division now... There has just been so much loss lately, and overwhelming  cruelty that it's actually becoming normalized... so right now it's more important than ever to stay anchored in decency and positivity. We are here for such a short time, and all of us are sometimes guilty of casual cruelty, sniping, bitching. Hold on to every moment with care. Hold yourself and your thoughts  to the highest possible standard... That being said... I'm not tolerating cruelty, condescension  or bulling of any sort... whoever said "Be the bigger person and take the high road" was full of shit... my bigness is not measured by my capacity to quietly absorb insults, degradation or abuse... but one thing I've learned along the way... in order to actually really insult me... I have to actually have some respect for someone and actually value their opinions... and... I'm a big believer in karma in that... down to my toes and deep in my heart I believe that eventually everyone gets to eat everything they have served to others.

 

Remember as you go through your day... you don't know who might be fighting a silent battle who is completely worn out and exhausted from pretending everything is OK... and might be holding themselves together by a very fragile thread that's ready to snap... The kindness you extend might be the only soft moment in someones day...it could be the one and only thing that reminds them that the world still cares and is not completely broken or dysfunctional... It's really important to remember that a lot of people are struggling with the reality they are living in and don't know the way out of it.

I've had some outstanding holidays... but as I'm writing this I am remembering spending one December dealing with overwhelming grief in the hospital and much of the following New Year in physical therapy... so I keep the magnificent memories close to my heart and give the unpleasant times the reverence and respect they deserve and I don't dwell on them as I rarely ever discuss them... I am so thankful I've recovered and I've found myself and a life away from them.

You need to remember to always extend that same kindness you give others to yourself as well...We all have issues because we have a history and backstory... and no matter how far you have come and all the work you have done on yourself... sometimes we take a step back or get pushed sideways... your growth and happiness is a song and a dance you have to practice every day to get right... be easy on yourself when you need to be. If you make no other resolutions around the new year... make this one... Always keep promises that you make... especially the ones to yourself... those are the promises that are sometimes the easiest to brush aside unless you make a habit of    prioritizing them... because keeping the promises you make to yourself... will change your life.

Every year in December I try to write something affirming and positive here... the world is really difficult right now...More than any other year it's time to believe again... especially believing in yourself and giving yourself the luxury to dream again... the past is over and the future is still uncertain; dwelling on the past and worrying  about the future won't accomplish  anything... live in the moment... take back your power and your happiness... and if you can... try to be the light and energy for someone else who needs your kind magic right now. 

Remember that happiness is always about the discovery, the hope, the listening to your heart and following it wherever it chooses to go. Happiness is always about being kinder to yourself, it is always about embracing the person you are becoming. Happiness is always about learning how to live with yourself. Remember that happiness is never in the hands of other people. It is always about you. It will always be about you and the type of person you are.

So in terms of the other people in your life... at the end of the day if someone cares about you they care about their actions and how they make you feel... that's all you need to really know about people and if you want them in your life... make sure your actions and words reflect  in a way that other people want you to stay in their story...remember that there are many reasons beyond words and actions why people won't make it to the end of the story...I'm lucky because there are a handful of people I have a corner turned down on their page because it was one of my favorites... and don't want to forget them or the moments.

So I hope your holidays are magical and joyful and full of love, friendship, laughter and everything you want them to be... if they start to fall short of your expectations... remember you have the power to turn your thoughts, wishes and dreams into reality... not always easy... but good things are worth time and trouble... Sometimes you just need to start with a foundation and build on it...So fall in love with your life...eat your favorite foods and spend time with yourself and/or your favorite people and make a plan that includes all the things that make you happy.

It's really important to know when to leave or stay... whether it's a job, a party or a relationship... I once ran away from a very unhappy life on 20, December...There was no other way to move forward so... So I quit my job...I picked up my bags, left a note and walked out of the house and went to the airport and never looked back. I wrote previously... no one can break up a happy home and no one ever runs away from one... remember that in all your words, actions and decisions.

In my emotional journey away from an unhappy life I learned that too often we depend on others to love us and treat us the way we should love and treat ourselves. All of us have navigated a rollercoaster of ups and downs in the past and may have been forced into a role requiring us to wait in the wings but... let's make a bold move to center stage this coming year and take the bows and curtain calls we have been dreaming of and preparing for. This year I'm advocating unyielding courage and strength to embrace life fully and unapologetically.

Sometimes delays and cancellations are a blessing in disguise to give us a chance to revise and improve  the itinerary... Eventually we always get where we either want or need to be... Once... trying to get to Hawaii from London... I went through New York, Chicago, Salt Lake City, Portland and Anchorage and then to San Francisco and Los Angeles before I finally got to Honolulu... there were delays, miscommunications, cancellations, bad weather, lost luggage and a fairly serious medical emergency on a flight that necessitated turning back... but I met some amazing people and had unforgettable  life affirming experiences in those five days ... and their part of the story is where I have the page corner folded on that chapter... It was an amazing trip and I never forgotten them and the lessons I learned along the way.

If you are traveling this holiday... I wish you priority boarding, no delays, clear skies and happy landings.

Every year during the holidays as I'm reviewing the year and the years that led up to this one I say something silently to myself that boils down to...There are faces and voices and sights, sounds and tastes and conversations that I will always remember and will always miss what they brought to life and the table from all the past holidays... most everything they represented is still here inside me and many are part of the traditions of the seasons that were carried forward and others are part of the new traditions that are forged from the memories.

Before December ends and the New Year begins... It's important for me to try and tie up any loose ends, unresolved issues and mixed signals and not carry them into the start of a new year... I also give the house a through cleaning, wash any soiled laundry and clear away any negativity and tensions from my life by reviewing and reflecting and making plans (resolutions if you want to call them that) for the coming year... Decluttering for the future is seriously underrated. 

Hope you will join me again next month... 

Mele Kalikimaka!