I have to admit I was a bit unsure what the slant of the blog was going to be this week... but like almost everything in my life fate stopped by and gave me the answer...
I had a little accident (I'm fine really) but had a tiny mishap involving a door, jewelry and learning the important lesson of not staying home and playing internet doctor instead of going to the emergency room immediately... OK my hand got smashed in a door and my fingers swelled so badly I could not get the ring that I never take off to budge and my ring finger was swollen so badly I thought at one point I was going to loose my fourth digit ... and I spent a horrible night looking up solutions on the internet between icing my hand, spraying windex around the ring to keep it moving so it would stop throbbing and elevating it while letting my imagination run wild wondering if I was going to loose a finger when I finally had the wherewith all to seek medical advice,
I'm no stranger to hospital emergency rooms and it dawned on me yesterday while I was waiting that it had been exactly 20 years (almost to the minute) that I was admitting a dear friend into Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital for his end of life issues after a long battle with cancer... and I thought about him a what we brought to each others lives and thought about the dedicated staff and the exceptional care he received throughout his ordeal and final hours... Oh god this is depressing me so I'm going to move on with... I really am uncomfortable in hospitals as a patient and visitor so I always try my best to play a cheery part in a real life drama... to tell you the truth that's how I get through most difficult issues and situations.
OK here is a little fashion advice I've always followed... If you are going to the doctor be as clean and fresh as possible, brush your teeth (or at least have a breath mint or two handy) and put on something clean, simple, chic, comfortable and easy to get in and out of. On my way to an appendectomy in the back seat of a cab I changed into a black cashmere turtleneck sweater and freshened up a bit with wet wipes and touched up my manicure (I'm not kidding)... Whenever I don't feel 100% I always feel at least a degree or two better by at least being clean and at least trying to put on my A Game Face... And I have on good authority medical professionals find clean patients without malodorous breath and body aroma a bit more appealing.
About seven years ago I was at a memorial service for a friend and afterward one of her relatives I had never met asked me if I was one of Anne's doctors... I'm about as uncomfortable at funerals and memorial services as I am at hospitals and sometime use humor as a crutch and replied "I'm not a doctor... but I've played one on TV!" It relieved their tension and mine a bit... but what I overheard next I think may have changed my life forever... "What happened... how did she die?" and the response was "She just could not quit smoking..." I made my mind up then and there that I was going to quit smoking... and I did finally after several failed attempts and have not had a cigarette for about six and a half years. Something my doctor said to me was a key factor in this decision too... "You are in perfect health so why not quit smoking? Because once you have complications from any illness caused by cigarettes you can't ever go back to life the way it used to be" That closed the deal and I thought about it every time I craved a cigarette. I've never felt better in my life and it was probably one of the smartest things I've ever done.
I don't know if you have ever been to the ER but you check in and wait... depending on the severity of your health issue (I learned that people who suffer gun shot wounds or are suffering from heart attacks or strokes rightfully take precedence over everyone else)... then you go to triage for evaluation and then you go to a holding area and wait ( I was waiting with a woman who was told she would need to consult with a plastic surgeon for skin grafts... a woman who could not breathe and was hooked up to oxygen... and an old Korean man doubled over in pain who could not speak english) After what seemed like a short lifetime a young doctor came in and went to the old man and called him my name... When I stood up and told him it was me he was looking for he confided to me in the hallway "I was going by the age on your chart... you look so young for your age..." I made a split second decision that it probably was not the time or place to explain that I have been using Erno Laszlo's special soaps and lotions since I was 15... it was a bittersweet moment for me but I took the compliment and decided I would marry him if he asked me.
Hospitals have a special tool for cutting off stuck rings... and after three hours of cutting and poking and picking and probing the two rings were reduced to a pile of metal rubble (I don't even care) I'm happy to have all ten digits and not be in pain. I did nick name one of the men Dr. Dreamy and another Dr. Steamy and fantasized about what the three of us might do stranded on a deserted island... I think about sex probably more than almost anyone I know except a friend who is appropriately named Dick.
The one thing you do get to do in an emergency room is spend a great deal of time with your own thoughts... as the afternoon turned to evening the place was filling up with people suffering with real problems and illness and I have never been more grateful to have my health and mind intact... The most important thing I was left with (besides a finger that resembled raw hamburger) was how dedicated the doctors, nurses and staff were... and they were all actually nice and professional and something about the whole surreal experience reminded me of one of my really early parts as an uncredited doctor in what turned out to be Susan Haywards last film role... We all got to dress up in hospital scrubs and wear lab coats and have looks of concern when the lights went up and we started filming but it's nothing compared to actual dedicated medical professionals... I have a new profound respect and awe for your work to help save, enhance and affirm life... that and the knowledge that I look a good decade and a half younger than my actual age seemed to buoy my spirits on my way home.
Thinking back over the last twenty years I realized that saying goodbye to a loved one in a hospital or care facility is probably one of the most difficult things in life but having the courage to live your one and only life as happily and fully as possible is one of it's greatest rewards. Almost everything is either life affirming or life diminishing so make your decisions about people. places and things with that knowledge.
Dusty Springfield--- Learn To Say Goodbye
See you next week!
