I have spent most of the past 10 years learning the importance of saying to myself and understanding the importance of "Will it matter in a year?" It's taken me almost a lifetime to really learn the value of this lesson... I said last time I was going to outline something for you that was never on a bucket list.... but I've spent the better part of the the last few years getting ready for it... I'll get back to this later.
It's difficult for me to believe sometimes that the person I am living my life today is in any way related to the person I was 10 years ago... Whenever I hear someone say "people don't change" I simply smile and say nothing... the experiences I've had and the person I've become prove them wrong... I'm not going to go into some of the lurid details... but if you can take chaos and somehow transform it into something calm, peaceful and beautiful... art if you will... then you will understand what alchemy is... often my mantra has been "flowers from seeds... crystal from sand... alchemy chanced... alchemy planned"
When I was quite young... like almost everyone I knew I said "Je ne regrette rien"... the fact is as I've gotten older "Je regrette beaucoup"... but it's important to utilize your alchemy skills with regret also... I have burned my fingers lighting the matches and danced in the ashes of all the bridges I've burned... and from that I have absolutely no regrets... I had to learn a way to call back the energy to cancel any ties, alliances or agreements with anyone or anything that does not resonate with what I have worked so hard to achieve as a person and the energy and direction I envision for my life... and from this point forward I will only allow respectful, reciprocated dynamics.
Going way back I had to find my way out of a very broken and twisted place... and now my home will be one with no loud anger or explosive rage, no slamming doors, or breaking glass, no name calling, shaming, or passive-aggressive manipulation... my home is safe and warm and inviting... and I sing in the shower again...and I smile while I'm cooking...and I dance in all the rooms of my house... this is how I healed.
Something that is important to always keep in mind with almost every decision is not to sacrifice quality for convenience. Horrible friends and terrible relationships and free things with strings attached are all really easy but in the end not worth it for what you give up of yourself... there is a proverb I learned as a child and it still crosses my thoughts from time to time... "Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"... you always need to protect your true essence of who you are from people who are not happy with themselves... they will always take their anger, hatred and frustrations out on you... best to move on... this is how I learned to burn bridges... I'm passing all of this along now to anyone who is trying to rediscover themselves and find their voice again after someone or something made you believe that sacrificing yourself and staying silent was safer.
All of these issues did matter in a year... some of them mattered for many years... but when you find your way out to the other side you will find that the people and the situations cease to matter and are not of any real importance going forward.
One of the things that really help me combat stress... I make lists of all the things I have now that I wanted when life was more difficult... and the different things that make me happy... and I write them down... and I color them... I almost have a whole book of them and am including some of them in the book I've been putting together...
I can't stress the importance of doing silly frivilous things (I just bought a new straw hat this week) that serve no other purpose than making you happy! I think if we really knew how much time we have left we would make better and different choices... I know I have in the last four years... I'm making it kind of short and sweet this week because at the end of the month I'm going into the hospital to be a living kidney donor to my best friend in New York... this decision has mattered to me very much over the last four years and the decision and outcome will matter in a year... and hopefully for many, many years to come for both of us. I'll write all about it in September... I am taking my normal summer sabbatical... in the meantime enjoy your summer... here is a peek at how I plan to spend mine...
Thanks for reading... see you in September!
