Well here we are as the holiday season is kicking off and I'm racing around more than usual because... I started to run behind schedule through no fault of my own and now have to speed walk to keep up with how fast the days are going... leading up to the new year... on top of that I have to report forJury Duty in a few days and that's likely to add a few new ingredients to an already hectic start to the festivities... When the jury thing came in the mail I thought to myself... "This is really bad timing"... but I had to remind myself of something I say to myself quite often... "There is no such thing as the right time... there is only time and how you spend it!"... So again I'll do whatever it takes to make everything work.
I need to back up for a bit to the last segment of "Tying Up Loose Ends" I omitted something on purpose... I don't know why really but I could not find the right words before... I had a wonderful job working with a magnificent colleague and we worked fabulously together and clicked on every level possible.... we even went on a Club Med vacation together once. If you have ever seen the opening scene where they introduce Grace Kelly and her character in the movie "Rear Window" the script read like this...
What a day I've had. - Are you tired? - Not a bit. I was all morning in a meeting, Then I had to dash to the Waldorf for a quick drink with Madam Dufrene, Who's just over from Paris with some spy reports. Then l had to go to "21" and have lunch with the Harper's Bazaar people. That's when I ordered dinner. Then I had two fall showings 20 blocks apart. Then I had to have a cocktail with Leland and Slim Hayward. We're trying to get his new show. Then I had to dash back and change.
Well that's what my life was like for a few years... it really was the best and most rewarding professional experience outside of the entertainment industry I've ever had... I think the reason it was such a great fit was it incorporated much of the entertainment industry constantly... is the suspense killing you... I produced and choreographed fashion shows for a major fashion magazine.
We really worked our tails off... sometimes to the tune of 12-14 hours a day leading up to these shows and traveling around the country and the world...It was really intense work sometimes... and for me very fulfilling and mostly it was the satisfaction of working with someone so closely with a bond of mutual trust and respect... Part of what I loved most was having most of November and December and June and July off... we worked like crazy people eight months out of the year and had almost four months off to enjoy life and recharge our batteries... So why did I quit... the truth is I didn't... in a perfect world I would still be doing this... but it was a part of life from a bygone era... these shows were incredibly expensive to produce... the partial list includes... travel, models, music technicians, lights and staging... and on and on and on... and my colleague and I were earning phenomenal wages & benefits... and as the magazine and fashion industry changed and as retailers and designers did not want to co-op the expense anymore for something that did not always return the investment... From here I went to the wardrobe department of a prime time drama... my entire job was buying the belts, bags, hats, gloves, scarves, stockings, shoes, sunglasses and any other fashion accessory for the woman to wear with their costumes... the exception being jewelry and furs. I was armed with credit cards and shopped the finest stores on Wilshire Blvd. and Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills... I worked with personal shoppers in the stores and bought choices for light tests and fittings with the costumes and returned was not used in the show... another job that was a phenomenal amount of work and sometimes stress...
I left the show when the person I was working directly under retired a couple of years before the show went off the air...
Between Pan Am and the experiences that followed... I learned that nothing lasts forever and you have to keep reinventing yourself and your dreams and go forward. Looking back at everything I've learned to really appreciate the person I became who persisted when things fell apart and showed up with my A-Game and found a new place, even when things didn't go as planned... I had to find a new version of me and new places and experiences to grow and evolve... all of it... the good, bad, laughter and sometimes tears I've realized is worth celebrating... One of the lessons that really took me time to learn was to stop engaging with people and situations that did not bring positive energy and a return for the investment I was putting forth... It really took a lot out of me but sometimes I just had to stop and say to myself... "You are where you are supposed to be... for now... but don't get too comfortable... Better things are coming!"
Probably one of the most important things I have ever learned taking acting workshops was..."Having the presence of mind and focus to react to any circumstance or situation on stage is what makes a great performer"... I realized that it can apply to everyday life as well... and with the stage as in real life... sometimes you have to unlearn what took time and effort to memorize and relearn for the way it's been rewritten and staged... I don't think most people are very good at this... I'm lucky I guess because I learned early you have to learn to adapt and grow with a character and the story... especially in life.
With all of this and that I've written about this year and the previous years... something I've always meant to impart is the importance (at least to me) of privacy... To me privacy is power, what people don't know about they can't interfere with... but you also have to learn the delicate balance of who you can trust with your plans, love life, family issues, income and your next big move... don't give away secrets easily... someone who I once thought I could trust proved me wrong... there was a lesson learned there too... always trust your intuition and first impressions... they tell you most everything you need to know about someone.... don't ever let anyone talk you out of them by telling you that you are being too sensitive of judgmental... that's where I made my mistake... but I learned the lesson finally.
So here we are nearly two weeks into December and I have not even started baking some of the goodies I like for the holidays...cards have not been sent (usually done the day after Thanksgiving) the house is dolled up minimally... Shopping thankfully is done... but not wrapping... and I've been mulling over how I want to present myself so as not to get picked as a juror... (so far the two things that have failed are hippy-dippy and ultra-conservative) so I'll just show up as myself and hope for the best... but which self?
This is the time of year as I'm preparing things for the holidays season... I like to ask myself... how did I do this year? What can I improve next year?... one of the things I've come up with this year is... When I was younger not fitting in felt like a flaw... now it feels like freedom... someone so dear to me once said to me on a warm summer night in Spain... "You may not be everyones cup of tea... but you are definitely someone else's double shot of tequila!"
So for what is left of December...I hope the season is good to you. I hope it's full of love, laughter and joy. I hope that everything you've wanted will come to you when you need it, and/or are ready for it... Have a wonderful holiday! We have 2024 to look forward to...Oh and one last thing...don't loose the magic of this moment yearning for another...
The choice is yours!
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