Letting Go

I received an e-mail from a reader last week asking me to clarify something I wrote about previously... it boils down to letting go of people or circumstances that no longer work vs holding on to memories of people and places that helped to make us who we are... I hope by the end of this segment I will have succeeded in explaining my point adequately... but let me go back to 1969... it's was the year that I started a series of life lessons of knowing what to hold on to and when and what to let go... I saw a movie that year called ' Me, Natalie' that I enjoyed (but I saw it on a long Pan Am flight) it was not particularly remarkable except it was the first time I had heard of an actress named Nancy Marchand who I met and worked with briefly a few years later (most of you will probably remember her as Tony Soprano's mother)... and there was a scene in the film that stuck with me when Patty Duke's character goes to a funeral of someone she had never met (that scene popped into my head last spring as I was preparing to go out to Long Island to a memorial service of someone who I had never met and only spoke with briefly on the telephone once) but I'll get back to that in a minute.... in all the years since 1969 I've never met anyone who has seen this movie...

If you ever have a chance to see ' Me, Natalie' it was Al Pacino's first film role... Here is what Vincent Canby of The New York Times had to say at the time...

MOVIE REVIEW

The Screen: 'Me, Natalie':Patty Duke Plays Ugly Teen-ager in Coe Film

By VINCENT CANBY

Published: July 14, 1969

STANLEY SHAPIRO is the writer who was in large part responsible for the films ("Pillow Talk," "That Touch of Mink") that turned Doris Day into one of the most profitable iron maidens in Hollywood history. In "Me, Natalie," which opened yesterday at the Fine Arts, Shapiro continues to display an almost Richardsonian (Samuel) concern for virginity. No longer, however, does he regard it as some fragile but foolproof weapon for blackmail. To Natalie (Patty Duke), a rather elderly looking Brooklyn teen-ager, it is a symbol of her physical ugliness—of upper front teeth that are slightly bucked and a nose that could delight only Cyrano de Bergerac.

The teeth, however, are removable caps, the nose is probably putty, and the movie is an artificial mess of wisecracks and sentimentality.

In A. Martin Zweiback's screenplay, based on the original story of Shapiro (who also produced the film), Natalie is a sort of grotesque Gittel, a girl in desperate search for someone to sit on the other end of the seesaw. After her father, a druggist, proposes to bribe a susceptible optometrist to marry her, Natalie leaves Brooklyn for the life of a Bohemian in Greenwich Village, to establish her own identity and to provide the moviemaker an opportunity to insert those scenes of dreary psychedelia that are so obligatory these days.

The movie, directed by Fred Coe, was shot entirely in New York, and although the quality of the color photography (by Arthur J. Ornitz) is excellent, it couldn't look more fake. Coe attained a modest peak in his mindless, non essential use of New York locations in "A Thousand Clowns," but he tops himself in "Me, Natalie."

I haven't made a conscious study of this, but it does seem that in New York-made movies there is a tendency toward the overuse of the "in-transit" scene. To take advantage of geography, characters spend an inordinate amount of time simply getting from one spot to another. In a studio movie, it would be a fast cut. Also, characters don't face crises or reach understandings in kitchens or bedrooms or even bathrooms, the way the rest of us do. Like pigeons, they fly off to Central Park.

When Natalie decides to drown herself (after she learns that the man who has deflowered her is married), she goes all the way to Long Island City, where, of course, she has the towers of Manhattan as a backdrop. What is meant to be a funny-sad scene becomes, instead, scenic.

Locales and a gummy musical score by Henry Mancini and Rod McKuen are among the things constantly impinging on "Me, Natalie." Another is Coe's apparent indecision as to whether the movie is a character study or a gag comedy. Mostly it's just, gags, delivered abrasively by Miss Duke, who is even less effective when registering pathos.

The supporting cast includes James Farentino, the married artist who finally persuades Natalie that she is a person, not a dog; Nancy Marchard and Phil Sterling, her parents; Martin Balsam, her uncle who dies early in the movie from some dread, unmentioned disease; Salome Jens, the uncle's fiancée, a tired go-go dancer, and Bob Balaban, the very square optometrist named Morris.

Miss Jens and Balaban both have their affecting moments, perhaps because each seems truly wounded. The go-go dancer is a drug addict and the optometrist is so emotionally myopic he's ready to pay Natalie $100 for some quick back-seat pleasure.

ME, NATALIE, screenplay by A. Martin Zweiback, based on original story by Stanley Shapiro; directed by Fred Coe; produced by Stanley Shapiro; a Cinema Center Films Presentation and released by National General Pictures. At the Fine Arts Theater, 58th Street between Park and Lexington Avenues. Running time: 111 minutes. (The Motion Picture Association of America's Code and Rating Administration classifies this film: "M—suggested for mature audiences, parental discretion advised.")
Natalie Miller . . . . . Patty Duke
David Harris . . . . . James Farentino
Uncle Harold . . . . . Martin Balsam
Miss Dennison . . . . . Elsa Lanchester
Shirley Norton . . . . . Salome Jens
Mrs. Miller . . . . . Nancy Marchard
Mr. Miller . . . . . Phil Sterling
Morris . . . . . Bob Balaban

OK I know I'm taking you on a long waltz but bear with me... I sometimes get inspiration of things to write about here from my own experiences but also news and  world events and sometimes photos or images I see in my internet wandering... and it was this photo and image that gave me the idea of setting up and interview with someone and devoting a page here to their story...

I was so struck by this especially since there have been such horrible press about bad police officers I was hoping to share a positive story... well by the time I got around to looking him up and finally contacting him he was dealing with his end of life issues... and I just felt it best to let the meeting and interview go... When I saw that he had died... I did not hesitate for minute that I needed to go and pay my respects (but I did think of the movie as I headed out to Long Island)...

NYPD Officer Michael Hance, who raised eyebrows and made headlines in 2015 for twerking with a reveler at the city’s Gay Pride parade, has died of 9/11-related cancer. He was 44.

The 17-year veteran of the NYPD, who worked the bucket brigade in the aftermath of the terror attack on the World Trade Center, died Sunday.

“He always liked to help people,” his brother, Peter Hance, 45, told the Daily News. “He always liked to do good.”

Hance, who worked out of the 111th Precinct station house in Bayside, Queens, was diagnosed with brain cancer in November after he fell in front of his home and complained of feeling dizzy, his brother said. As he fought the disease, the cancer spread to his lungs, liver and chest.

He struggled years ago in high school and got his GED before going to SUNY Binghamton, where he earned a degree in mental health services. His proud family members said Hance later joined the police department.

In 2005, the divorced father of two young daughters was honored by the Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association for saving an infant who choked on a Lego, his brother remembered.

“He loved being a cop,” Peter Hance said. “It was in his blood.”

The heterosexual Hance uplifted the city’s spirits two years ago when a cellphone video that showed him dancing, on duty and in uniform, with reveler Aaron Santis at the Manhattan pride parade went viral.

“I was as impressed as I was happy,” said Brian Downey, the president of the NYPD’s Gay Officers Action League said about the video. “He isn’t a member of GOAL or the LGBT community, but we were elated to see that video. It represented the true spirit of the police family. That’s what 99.5% of cops are like.”

Santis was marching with the Big Apple Softball League, an LGBT sports group, when he started dancing in front of Hance. The Queens cop quickly joined in and began grooving to the Michael Jackson song “Don’t Stop ’Til You Get Enough” with Santis. He then turned and started twerking while Santis was grinding behind him.

Santis left Hance after giving him a big smooch on the cheek and a sticker from the softball league that read, “I’d hit that!”

The 13-second video has been viewed 7,785,244 times, said Paige Ponzeka, who recorded the unique New York moment.

“It was really special,” said Ponzeka. “Aaron had danced in front of a lot of cops, but they were not as responsive. Then we saw this officer get into it. (Hance) understood what the parade was about — about having fun and being yourself.”

Ponzeka didn’t know until later that Hance was straight, she said.

“That was the best part … that he was straight and was still having fun at the parade,” she said. “That was a great message to send. A lot of cops have a tough-guy vibe, but he had the vibe that you can have fun and there was nothing wrong with that.”

The dance was brought to the attention of the NYPD, but Hance was never disciplined, officials said.

The officer’s family was unsurprised that the beloved cop managed to connect with paradegoers.

“He always liked to help people,” his brother, Peter Hance, 45, told the Daily News. (YouTube)

“That’s just who he was,” his brother said. “He was definitely a people person. He has like 8 million friends.”

The video also caught the attention of Andy Cohen, the host of Bravo TV’s “Watch What Happens Live,” who is due to accept GOAL’s “Visibility Award” in June. Cohen was hoping Hance could attend the event.

Downey hoped to accommodate the request.

“We were having a board meeting this week to see if (Hance) would like to come to the event … and then we heard that he died,” Downey said. “We didn’t know he was sick.”

Hance, a resident of Bethpage, L.I., leaves behind daughters Kaitlyn, 12, and Jenna, 10.

“Those two daughters were his life,” his brother said. “They’re going through a rough time right now.”

A wake will be held at the Arthur White Funeral Home in Bethpage from 2-4 p.m. and 7-9 p.m. on both Thursday and Friday, with a funeral at 11 a.m. Saturday at St. Martin of Tours Roman Catholic Church, also in Bethpage.

Since 11, September 2001 1,319 first responders have died. Besides the terror of experiencing that day first hand the one thing  that sticks out in my mind is Christine Todd Whittman who was head of the Environmental Protection Agency stating with absolute certainty that the air at Ground Zero was safe to breathe... from several miles away I could tell that it was toxic... she finally admitted she was wrong... I thought about her at Officer Hance's funeral.

I've been to more than my fair share of memorial services in my life and the loss and sadness of each one is always felt again when I return to another; but each had been as unique as the people were from one at the Schubert Theatre to standing in the Pacific Ocean holding hands in a circle... but the early lesson someone told me is that part of the atoms and molecules from their presence in our lives stays with us and is woven seamlessly into the pattern of our atoms and molecules and that all these things that connect us in our daily life and sometimes manifest in our memories and dreams are important to never let go of... but we do need to let go of the actual person no matter how difficult and painful it is and eventually move on with our lives... our life can grow and become more meaningful from the loss if we acknowledge the pain and transform it into something better... with this I have come to believe that love and some connections never die and we pass along some of  these molecules and atoms when we eventually draw and exhale our last breath.

I tend to be very fact based and feel that science mixed common sense and logic that we are born, we live and we die... when I see the ending of a movie like 'Ghost' or read a book like 'The Lovely Bones'  I'm hopeful that I'm wrong and that there is more to death than just the end of life... but while I believe in happy endings I'm reminded that in the big picture of the universe we are here for just an instant... and we need to make our lives as long, happy and meaningful as possible.

Every level of our life requires us to become a new and different person than what we used to be if we are to become more evolved. It's important to know who and what to let go of and what we will need to take with us for the next part of the journey... and that some people may exist in our lives as an example of who and what to avoid in the future... So to the reader who wrote... I hope this helped answer your question... and in addition you may find yourself watching a situation in life or in a movie and think "I would never do that because it's just plain crazy" and many years later finding yourself at a strangers funeral and you understand perfectly why you had to be there. 

See you next week!