As I said last time it was necessary for me to spend some quality time with myself to give some offers serious thought and make some decisions about myself and the future... (before I go any further I want to thank the people who I speak with on a regular or at least a fairly regular basis for respecting my privacy and allowing me the time with my thoughts without having to make any explanations about all of it)
In all of this I had to take some time to consider the following...
When I was young I always had some comfort in the peace, solace and privacy of my bedroom when making decisions... and longed to go home this time if just for a night to sleep in the place where I started dreaming my dreams and planning my plans...
But there has been nothing to go back to for quite a long time (I have to admit I'm somewhat envious or maybe wistful is a better word for it of the people who have a place and or people to go back to)... but as I considered all of this I realized how lucky I am to have some of the glorious memories of my youth that many other people don't have and never will... finally I was able to concIude that the real measure of being an adult is creating the home you live in and being at home there with yourself and the one (or ones) you love... and not just trying to fit into someone else's life... or running away from one you can't fit in with no matter how hard you try.
So back to my decisions... I always take this very seriously because the decisions you make today will effect the decisions to follow and many of the other choices you will have to make along the way... and not making a decision or facing it is a decision in itself but I learned a long time ago it more or less leaves you in limbo to stagnate in the mire of indecision. The only thing I know for sure is if you make the worst possible decision you are more or less going to be granted the most horrible outcome... in a few of the choices I made based on greed or spite or jealousy... they seemed to always come back and kick me in the nuts a short distance down the road.
This is what I had to carefully consider---
and my reasons are simple... none of this is right for me right now.... I've actually had a recurring dream (for a few years off and on) about the right thing and people so I'm going to pursue that and them.
Meanwhile it's almost summer in New York City and this time of year I often (particularly walking through Central Park) think about the Irwin Shaw story 'The Girls In Their Summer Dresses' and like the husband they seem to always distract me from my thoughts and actions and I also consider 'The Boys Of Summer"... I've been one them many times... the boys people have summer flings with but don't take too seriously... but like Don Henley who wrote the song... I'm in in for the long haul now... so before no one is on the roads or at the beach and the summer turns to fall... I'm going to go out and be one of the boys of summer again and cross a couple of things off my bucket list... (like maybe having duck at Tour d'Argent... I've turned an invitation down twice... maybe the third time will be the charm)
If not... then I'll find other ways to create some of the best summer memories for my collection of summer souvenirs...
So I'll see you in September... I have some places I want to go and things I want to do and people I want to spend time with while the sun is shining bright... and maybe learn a few new secrets from the night in far off places.
Have a great summer... I'll leave you with this to consider...
And...
Oh ... and one more thing... Always remember...
So back to my decisions... I always take this very seriously because the decisions you make today will effect the decisions to follow and many of the other choices you will have to make along the way... and not making a decision or facing it is a decision in itself but I learned a long time ago it more or less leaves you in limbo to stagnate in the mire of indecision. The only thing I know for sure is if you make the worst possible decision you are more or less going to be granted the most horrible outcome... in a few of the choices I made based on greed or spite or jealousy... they seemed to always come back and kick me in the nuts a short distance down the road.
This is what I had to carefully consider---
- An offer to do something that I always regretted not doing the first time.
- Something I've already done but was somewhat ambivalent about the people and circumstances this time around.
- And another scenario of something I had never even considered before.
and my reasons are simple... none of this is right for me right now.... I've actually had a recurring dream (for a few years off and on) about the right thing and people so I'm going to pursue that and them.
Meanwhile it's almost summer in New York City and this time of year I often (particularly walking through Central Park) think about the Irwin Shaw story 'The Girls In Their Summer Dresses' and like the husband they seem to always distract me from my thoughts and actions and I also consider 'The Boys Of Summer"... I've been one them many times... the boys people have summer flings with but don't take too seriously... but like Don Henley who wrote the song... I'm in in for the long haul now... so before no one is on the roads or at the beach and the summer turns to fall... I'm going to go out and be one of the boys of summer again and cross a couple of things off my bucket list... (like maybe having duck at Tour d'Argent... I've turned an invitation down twice... maybe the third time will be the charm)
If not... then I'll find other ways to create some of the best summer memories for my collection of summer souvenirs...
So I'll see you in September... I have some places I want to go and things I want to do and people I want to spend time with while the sun is shining bright... and maybe learn a few new secrets from the night in far off places.
And...
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