Borrowed Time

 

Every 10 years or so I have a new favorite television program... right now it's "Only Murders In The Building" It's brilliantly written and acted and overall wildly entertaining... but above all that it's breaking the norms of ageism in television programing. The script allows characters to be older and vibrant and witty and charming with cross-generation relationships and common ground... and that is what made me fall in love with it in the first place... In addition... the guest stars each season are out of this world amazing... it's a load of fun and I have enjoyed each episode equally... I'm going to be sorry when it ends... but everything has to end for there to be new beginnings and new favorites.

There was a dialogue in the first or second season  when one of the characters said "People fall into three categories for me, living, dead and dead to me."... it really struck a chord; but I included "people I no longer speak to" there are a lot of reasons I don't speak to certain people from... they crossed the line with issues like lies, disrespect to simply too many trips down crazy lane with a final stop at Drama Central... to sometimes more complicated scenarios that their spouse or children are assholes and I'm not going to put them in the middle of the crossfire... because I'm walking away and writing all of them out of my story with only occasional  vague obscure references... it's easier and less painful for everyone involved.It in no way means I don't think or care about them (a handful fall into that category though). There are a few people not speaking to me because they owe me an apology. I can forgive many mistakes except abuse, brutality and manipulation and hate because a lifetime pattern of them are not a mistake. Me losing respect for someone is worse than being mad at them; disrespect can close doors that apologies can never reopen. The only thing you can do about awful people is not become one of them.

 Sometimes out of the blue on an ordinary sunny Saturday afternoon the the telephone rings and you learn that one of the people married to an asshole are at their end of life issues and want to say goodbye. So me being me... I called to say goodbye and let them know very simply that my absence and distance and silence had mostly nothing to do with them personally and that I was sorry for any pain and/or remorse... I was hoping that they understood in the end it was simply because they were married to an asshole without me having to actually say it... I think people married to assholes know exactly who they are married to and stay for a laundry list of reasons especially in old age. In this case she was so misguided in living her one and only life I felt a familiar sadness similar to other people I have known in the same living and dying situations... I hope she had some comforts and clarity with her life and death at the end. 

As I'm writing this it marks two years to the day since I experienced a devastating loss that I know I will never be over or it will ever be OK again somehow... but I guess it's not supposed to when someone matters right down to your very core... on top of that 2022 saw the death of two other important people that I still mourn and think about often... and I found out that three other people that I didn't speak with anymore had also died... I was sorry to hear about their deaths and the details (or at least two of them)... and realize that their immediate family and loved ones are dealing with the same level of sadness and profound loss without them. One of the most difficult things in life is finding someone you can't live without... and then living without them. Remember that life is not meant to be easy... it's meant to be memorable and those joyful memorable moments were sometimes found as a result of the most difficult times.

I take some comfort with the knowledge that someone or something is never lost really, things and people all eventually are gone, but if they mattered and they touched you they are still inside you... the only people and things you never loose are the the ones you keep inside your heart...Happiness exists in shared moments and connections that are flashes across your time continuum. Your relationship with family, friends and loved ones is always going to be very complicated... but deep down there is something that can never be lost or taken away... that being said you need to always give priority to self care especially if you are healing from a hurt or trauma that nobody ever apologized for or acknowledged. There is a Japanese legend that says "If you get on the wrong train get off at the next station, the longer it takes you to get off the more expensive the return trip will be."

The one big take away in my rambling thoughts in the last few weeks  is that mourning and the (if you can call it etiquette) rituals that go with it have been diluted over the years. There are several that are cultural and/or religious... For me the most important one I follow for the closest people in my life is I take an entire year to reflect on their life and what we meant to each other through each season and holiday and special event... I don't make any big life changes or decisions or major purchases during this time. (sometimes not always possible)... in addition for the first month I don't socialize under any circumstances. It's a quiet mourning time spent at home and not out and about celebrating anything... it's very important during this time to visit the past but resist the temptation to live there. If in reliving some of life's memories you happen to cringe at what you have said or done in the past... it's actually a good thing, it means you've grown. I heard someone say once... "certain people were not meant to evolve... they are here to show what it looks like if you don't."

Today, most people will wear black to a funeral, but then go back to their regular clothing. There is a culturally talked about mourning period –– that of the stages of grief –– which was first published in the 1960s. However, those stages have since been proven inaccurate, both by researchers and by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross herself, who before her death said the stages of grief were for the dying, not for the mourning.

Clothing for periods of mourning can vary depending on the time period, the relationship to the deceased, and the stage of mourning:

Black is the traditional color of mourning for immediate family members, but white is also popular in some cultures. Other colors include purple, lilac, and gray. Red is generally considered taboo for 9–40 days after a death.

I once went to a memorial service that the deceased insisted that no one wear black.. I'm sort of old fashioned about paying my respects and reverence... I wore navy blue.Today, people may wear something special to a funeral to show respect for the deceased. This could mean wearing a color or pattern that was meaningful to the loved one, or wearing your "Sunday best"

You need to make the necessary changes to move forward with life. I wrote here once in the early 80's I was so devastated by death and loss I could barely get out of bed and face the world... I learned from that experience that time is a gift and you can't let grief swallow you. And make the adjustments you need to make in order to acknowledge your feelings and don't try to run away from them... and maybe most importantly I had to learn to have a very flexible definition  of what it means to be OK... until I found my way again... and finally being sad it better than being dead... with work you can find your way out of sadness.

Quick little story about one of the people I don't talk to anymore (who is actually dead to me for a handful of reasons) once after a year leading up to a horrible traumatic death of someone I loved he suggested I take Klonipin or Prozac or  Zoloft;  I don't really remember... so that I would not be sad anymore and "snap out of it" I was so angry with this suggestion I could have killed him with my bare hands... instead I simply told him to "Fuck Off" and went my way...it's important to live your feelings and find your way out of grief without drugs and/or alcohol and stupid insensitive people. One of things I always advocate is cutting toxic ties... with that you are able to break old habits with the added benefit of sometimes long awaited closure... but eventually you bounce back stronger than before. When you step into an ending and give it the reverence it deserves you can open a portal to a new but different beginning about to unfold. To start... unfollow the chaos, unsubscribe from the circus, take back your thoughts so that eventually you can take back your joy. Happiness does not come into your life with fanfare... The most beautiful things, those that give you true happiness, come on tiptoe, quietly, and wait for you to notice them... 

I really feel like the last couple years has been one big turning point after another... So many things ended permanently and certain people are gone and these chapters of my life are closed for good... Now I'm at the point that I'm moving away from fear, uncertainty and doubt... it's important to always remember  that feeling sad after making the best possible decision does not mean it was not the right decision... Grief is not the end; it's merely a pause in the story of life. It's recollecting with tears and smiling through the sorrow. And so, we move forward, paying tribute to the past while welcoming the future and embracing the love and the pain equally. One of the best things that come from really difficult times in your life is that you get to see everyones true colors and who they actually are... It's better to admit that you walked through the wrong door than spend your life in the wrong room.

Years go by with the blink of an eye... the most important lesson I've learned is that we are all living on borrowed time so it's important to surround yourself with the people who choose you, and let go of those who don't... and then go places and do things... do whatever you can afford... maybe go out on a limb or two sometimes and see the world... and don't take everything so seriously all the time... except when you absolutely have to.

to new beginnings:

you can close this chapter

of your life and never look back

or you can flip through the pages, revisit old memories,

reflect on how different you once were.

that's the magic of

writing your own story–

you'll meet new characters,

travel to new places,

face new obstacles,

and the best part:

deciding how to overcome them

and then realizing

you can.

Sidney Poitier 

December started with me wishing I had a river I could skate away on...So I want to start 2025 with a clean slate...This year I'm going to treat 1 January like Season 1, Episode 1.

Meanwhile... Mele Kalikimaka!

My letter to Santa this year is...

Dear Santa,

I already have everything and everyone I could possibly wish for this year... Please take care of those who need you the most. Thank you XXXOOO

I hope you will join me again in January... I may have big news... or just news.

Bad Moon Rising

"Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival is a song about the idea that something bad is lurking, often using weather imagery to convey this message... Written by John Fogerty...the song was released on the album "Green River" in 1969. I have this on one my playlists and listen to it as a form of therapy or catharsis if you will whenever I need it.

I first started using this song for therapeutic and cathartic purposes while I was a student whenever I sensed bad vibes, intentions and experiences... I've always had an innate sense when something is off or not right (it's a blessing and a curse sometimes)... but it's taught me to steer clear of people, places and circumstances. I took it to an almost art from speeding out of Palm Springs back to LA at 5:00 in the morning in a convertible sports car with the song blaring as I left a wretched weekend and experience in the dust.... it was almost a Zen experience... but maybe you needed to be there...

I needed to hear it again when the final election results were reported on 6, November.... being in New York the early morning open road was not immediately available... I made due with ear pods and closing my eyes and reliving the moment almost 30 years ago.

Until my dying breath... I will never understand how we got to this point.

I also have another small coping devise that stems from a line delivered by Sylvia Miles as Myra Gardner in the film "Evil Under The Sun"... the first words out of my mouth to my other half on learning the election results were... "Well what the hell do we do now Odell?" ... followed shortly after by "I could just kill that cow"... I have been using these lines for years for various occasions....(I can also do a pretty convincing Myra Gardner impersonation  too)... as well as several others... here is quick clip

Myra Gardner YouTube

I met Silvia Miles at a fashion event about 30 years ago... she was utterly delightful and charming and seemed genuinely  flattered at my mild interpretation of her performance in the movie...

I'm still in a complete state of disbelief  that an almost full day of alcohol consumption, binge eating, tears, anger and spending most of the day in bed under the covers...did little to improve my bleak outlook on the state of man kind in general and the future.... I should have known better... I put way too much faith that educated, caring and evolved people outnumbered the Hoi Polloi... I'm reminded once again that the educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living from the dead... My first instincts told me climb over the wall and make a quick exit and escape to land far, far away and somewhere over the rainbow...

But instead... I got out of bed, shaved and showered, washed my hair... and went outside for a long walk to gather my thoughts and get a grip on my emotions... and deal with what could be the end of America and democracy as we know it... and try to make sense of what will be left for most of us from an administration whose foundation is division, hate, fear and greed.

The upside is vacation choices are getting easier....

What I was able to come up with is... nothing is going to change today except my attitude... and many things can still happen in the next two months (I'm hoping for an extraordinary plot twist)... I came home and made a list of everything I was angry about and  confronted my fears and anxiety... I never in my wildest dreams thought that the last years of my life would be living in a christofascist dystopian nightmare...but other people are facing more immediate life changing and diminishing realities... so I decided that I need to dust myself off and put on my A-Game and get back in the fight... the things that helped me prepare for this are

• Betrayal from friends
• Being broke
• Death of a loved one
• A Broken heart and being broken

All of this gave me strength, resilience  and fortitude that  I needed to man up and face the world and the problems to find solutions.

There is no question that our nation is entering a dangerous and uncertain time. Although today we still have a presidential administration dedicated to democracy, the rule of law, honest government, and the rights of all Americans, after January 20th, 2025 (which, in a particularly cruel twist of fate, falls on Martin Luther King Day), we will enter a new era where no act of governmental malfeasance is off the table.

As of the date of this publication things have already started to go south...

A federal judge on Thursday struck down a Biden administration policy that aimed to ease a path to citizenship for some undocumented immigrants who are married to U.S. citizens... with that... loving, and tax paying families are going to be torn apart, and separated in the not so distant future... and this is only the beginning

We have to keep our wits and soberly face the reality of where we are headed, we must also try not to overwhelm ourselves with catastrophic thinking. There may be a lot of bad things coming our way, as individuals, and a country, but we do ourselves no favors by running ourselves ragged worrying about them in advance... after all, preparing for the future and worrying about it are two different things. We must take the challenges as they come, when and if they come, and not do his work for him by disempowering ourselves through fear and exhaustion.

I'm hopeful that much of the proposed Project 25 will never come to fore... but what does come to fruition will be devastating... here is a partial list...(it's a 900 page document you can find on line)

It goes without saying that the next few years will not be easy. We must allow ourselves to feel all the despair that we feel, as well as all the moments of joy that will also be part of this time. We must continue to care for ourselves, our friends and loved ones and those in our community who most need our help. And, when we can we must empower ourselves to get up and continue the fight for freedom and equality.

I am bolstered by the actions and statements form California Governor Gavin  Newsom and New York Governor Kathy Hochul... I only hope other Democratic Governors step up to the plate...

California’s Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom, a fierce critic of former President Donald Trump, on Thursday called for lawmakers to convene a special session ahead of another Trump presidency to safeguard the state’s progressive policies. Newsom’s office told The Associated Press that the governor and lawmakers are ready to “Trump-proof” California’s state laws. 

The announcements echoed a vow on Wednesday by Gov. Kathy Hochul of New York to “honor” the election results and to try to work with Mr. Trump, but also to fight any efforts to curtail reproductive freedoms, expand gun rights or curb environmental regulations.

At a news conference, Ms. Hochul addressed Mr. Trump directly: “If you try to harm New Yorkers or roll back their rights, I will fight you every step of the way.”

 Meanwhile, attorneys general in blue states across the country announced they were also gearing up for a legal fight.

This sums up my feelings today...

Most of the power of authoritarianism is freely given. In times like these, individuals think ahead about what a more repressive government will want, and then offer themselves without being asked. A citizen who adapts in this way is teaching power what it can do.”

obeying in advance is how fascism wins.

Please try to remember that censorship is the tool used when the lie loses it's power... keeping that in the back of my mind has helped with all the chaos and disinformation and propaganda we have had to deal with.

I intend to fight every step of the way not just for my rights but the rights of others.  To quote Federico Garcia Lorca... " I will always be on the side of those who have nothing and are not even allowed to enjoy the nothing they have in peace."

To start... I think it's very important where we put our energy and be very intentional with doing whatever we need to keep our sanity and health... I fully believe that people are more difficult to control if they are healthy, they are hard to manipulate when your intentions and actions are clear and straight forward and maybe most importantly it's more difficult to influence people when they are sovereign... so in the coming weeks I'm going to build up my strength, mindset and pay my bills.... Also...

• Exercise
• Eat nutritious food
• Get fresh air and sunlight every day
• Get enough sleep
• Consume positive material
• Surround myself with support

You can only win when your mind and spirit are stronger than your emotions.

So while I am replenishing myself... I'm putting distance between me and anything and anyone that drains me and adds chaos and inflicts pain and lies instead of bringing joy, happiness and truth...To put it bluntly I'm unsubscribing from Bull Shit!  I feel deeply let down by mainstream media so I will be taking a step away and in addition I'm going to be more discerning with social media and other outlets on line. Do whatever is necessary to be the strongest, happiest, healthiest and confident person to endure and dare I say it thrive during this difficult time.

I said to someone before the election that the four years of the Trump Administration were some of the most unhappy and difficult years of my life (If you knew my history it's saying a lot)... I don't expect this one to be any different... but the way I react and deal with it will be much more proactive and positive... so that's a start in the right direction at least for me... and something that I had intended to write about this week in much more detail is that some of the best times and happiest moments of our life have not happened yet... we need to look for those moments now and not push them away.

There are a lot of inconsistencies in this election... that I think warrant intense scrutiny and investigation... I sent Charles Schumer an email about a year ago that I was concerned that Ivanka Trump had the patent on voting machines... never got a reply... but I'm following up on it. Not only am I unhappy with the results of the election, I'm  not satisfied with the fact that there are something like 200,000 missing votes and in states like Pennsylvania that all the democrats on the ballot  defending their seats won... and Kamala Harris did not take the state... There were record turn outs for rallies and voting... none of this adds up to me... so this is what I hope is being addressed in addition to all the other issues of protecting our rights and security before January.

I feel like we are at a major turning point right now and it's important to not go off the deep end. When I was about five years old someone told me something I've never forgotten and it's come in handy to remember more often than you might imagine... "We will see what we see when we see it  and we can't make any important decisions about it until then!"...and something that someone told me right after the 2016 election...

So right now I'm doing what I have spent most of my adult life doing... I'm waiting in the wings before I make an entrance... I'm gathering my thoughts and trying to remember my lines and what all my training and the hours of rehearsals have taught me... I'm hearing a lot of talk about people selling their homes and leaving and if it comes to that we might be one of them but I think it's too early in the game to make that call at least for us... however we do have some ideas...It's a drastic step... so we will have to see what we see when we see it!

I was planning to discuss something next month but It seems more appropriate to bring it up now... as the holidays are drawing closer... many people will be  preparing for them without their husbands, wives, lovers, parents,  children, brothers and sisters... and still others are preparing for their last... so please remember that in what is supposed to be a season of joy... for  many it is going to be a season of sorrow and loss... so please remember to be kind, generous, and give love and help where you can... above all else... just don't give people a hard time.

If you want the present and the future to be different from the past... you have to study the past and learn from it... I think that is perhaps why Republicans are so hell bent on banning books and dismantling education... let's all learn the lessons we are supposed to before it's too late...

This morning I took a deep breath and smelled the ocean... and heard sea gulls near where we live... and thought of two things that often cross my mind during difficult times... "Worse things happen at sea"... and hoping for an answer... "eventually the sea will tell."

Thank you for reading... see you next month!

The Best Of Everything

 

Rona Jaffe wrote a book about life in New York City in the 50's that was smart and polished and follows the lives, loves and careers of people in New York City... it became a movie in 1959 that tried to capture the essence but became a camp classic... still worth a watch because of the cast of Hope Lange, Suzy Parker, Stephen Boyd, Louis Jourdan and Joan Crawford... it's a time capsule masterpiece of how styles, attitudes and how the world has changed in almost 70 years... we can never go back to this... It's preposterous that people want to.

Today I'm not going to be talking about the book or the movie... but I recommend both... but I want to say that living, and loving and working in New York City has rewarded me with the best of everything... but with a price and some very valuable and often  painful lessons... 

If you are ever on the east side of Central Park near 5th Avenue and 60th Street... you will find the park bench dedicated to the park from the Rona Jaffe Foundation...  I like to go by now and then to be thankful for everything I have and also for not getting some of the things I wanted and what they saved me from....

I sat down on the bench recently and took stock of some of the events over the last several years and most everything that allowed me to make my way to where I am now... and here is what I've come up with... I'm at the point in my life where I'm not going to deal with anything that I don't have to...I'm leaving, unfriending, unfollowing and blocking and basically doing whatever it takes to avoid people and situations where I'm not respected or valued. There are a couple of generations of people now that are not being raised and socialized in a way that makes them the least bit desirable as adults. Finding the best of everything for my life are my priorities now.

The things that made this easier for me is I realized it's a privilege for people to have access to me,  my ideas and energy... and vice versa... the people who were disrespectful and treated me as a disposable commodity no longer have a place at the table...we all deserve to be in situations and with people that we celebrate and appreciate each other.

After certain things happen and some things are said (or unsaid) you will never feel the same way about certain people no matter who they are and what part they once played in the story. The one thing I learned almost too late is to never be so thirsty that you will drink from any cup offered to you... you have to be wise and selective about your associations. Your whole life can change just by who you choose to surround yourself with... if things feel off balance... listen to the vibration; life is telling you to make some changes... when you find the right place and the right people you start to feel the effects and changes almost immediately.

Sometimes I think one of the reasons life can be difficult is new stages of life and awareness always require us to evolve and change and we can't cling to the past of what life used to be or what we once were... You have to remember... even if we could go back to something or someone or a place... we don't belong there anymore because we are not who we used to be...

It's important to know that you can literally feel when it's time to step into the next chapter of your life... there is a shift in energy sometime that let's you know it's time to move forward...No good reason to stay is the best reason to go.

but before you go... take the time to un-fuck yourself  and be the kind of person you were before all the stuff that happened that dimmed you and your  shine and your glow. If you have not been yourself and no one noticed... it's time to shake things up a little... or a lot. Your tribe is out there you just have to find them... that's the reason I moved to New York in the first place... but now it's time to find the next place.

One of the best things I've done for this journey is I've really spent some time digging deep and asking myself why I am the way I am and why I do the things I do...It's not always easy getting to know yourself on a deeper level... but it will help you thrive and makes starting the next chapter a smoother transition... and just like that you realize it's time to let go of the past and start something new and trust the magic of a new chapter of life.

Whether it's my surroundings, or people or food or ideas...I will not accept the bare minimum again with anything... I want the moon and the stars... and maybe even the planet at this point... I won't hide my scars anymore because it's important to show the world that I showed up for life and fought to get this far. I'm at the age that I don't have to hide my age only the wounds on my heart...I'm at the age where I have to believe in the future more than ever before because the dreams we have planted that are still in our hearts are there for a reason.

Life is short... You get 4,000 weeks if you're lucky... stop putting limits on yourself so go out and find the best of everything.

It's not the end... it's not the beginning of the end... it's the end of the beginning. 

Please remember to vote... So the world can finally move forward again...

Thanks for reading...See you next month!

The Master Plan

 First and foremost... I can't believe it's been it's been nine years since I started this project... I want to thank each and every one of you who have shared this journey...and equally important I hope everyone had a marvelous summer!

I was really delighted to look at the statistics tools that blogger lets me track what is being read and in what parts of the world... for some reason this year  Always In Fashion has become much more global and the top two blogs still being read are...

Let's Talk About That Girl

and...  Journey To Greece

I don't really have much I can add to the That Girl segment except... I was once on The Phil Donahue Show many years ago when he did a segment about the male modeling industry... he was a very, nice man... I was sorry to read about his death.

As far as talking about Greece... I have much more to say and so maybe this year we will revisit.

I do this to a lot of people all the time...

As far as the followup on my kidney donation... I met with the surgeon this summer and I'm fine and dandy and so is the recipient. I have been cleared for most activities... I'm sorry I'll never ride motorcycles again but c'est la vie!... However I've decided I'm not giving up surfing and alpine skiing just yet... I'll be happy riding the smaller waves and shushing down the intermediate slopes... and no more running with the bulls in Pamplona... the doctor suggested I be more scrupulous and carefully consider my activity options... and deliberate over being a spectator for certain higher risk venues.. The one big surprise is The American Red Cross was doing a blood drive and would not let me donate with one kidney... I don't know why but... whatever.

The only photographic evidence of me surfing Waimaia...

I did not make it to the beach this summer... but that's OK I had plenty to keep me busy... I'm still working on my book (I've made great strides if I do say so myself)... and now that the kids are back in school I'll head over to the racquet club and start playing tennis a couple of times a week again.

I got an email from one of the senators in my district... offering round table meetings to seniors once a month to help navigate the journey of growing older... titled "A Master Plan For Seniors"... first of all I don't consider myself a senior... don't get me wrong, I love a discount as much as the next person... but I only noticed on a receipt recently a senior discount... I thought to myself that was awfully presumptuous on their part... but I digress... I looked at the e-mail a couple of times and thought how can there be a master class on aging?... but the next meeting was less than a five minute walk from where I live so I r.s.v.p.'d  and showed up for the meeting on the scheduled day... When I walked in several people looked at me with very hostile expressions and someone said "This is the senior meeting you must be in the wrong room" (I thought thank you for that because I'm am delighted I don't fit in here) but I said instead... "I'm here to take notes for someone else"...so what they covered at this session was...

• Technology classes for seniors
• SNAP and other public assistance programs
• Medicare & Medicaid issues
• Affordable senior living programs
• Crisis Intervention

I did not stay for refreshments and one-on-one question and answer time with the different speakers but thanked them and left but out on the sidewalk took a deep breath and thanked my lucky stars I did not need any of that... and made a secret wish that I never would...  I am so grateful that programs like this exist for the people who need it.... the one thing I was left with was most everyone who was there seemed... besides quite old... very unhappy.... and I suspect the main reason was loneliness... I think illness, loneliness and financial insecurity  are the worst  aspects of getting older...I truly believe if you have so much pain or difficulty to cope with and no one to talk to about it that it will change you and your outlook on life forever... I wondered if these issues were addressed at other meetings... I had hoped that the "Master Class" would be about aging with dignity and the steps necessary... maybe for the people there this is what they wanted and needed.

Walking home I thought... 20 years from right now I would probably give anything to be the age I am now... exactly this healthy and living this moment... so I decided to take a moment to celebrate that exact moment (luckily I always keep a small bag of emergency confetti  for just such moments)... A lot of people who I thought would be around for this part of the ride have died or have just been written out of the story for one reason or another... and I thought about the people who are still playing leading and/or supporting or cameo roles in the last act... and I'm not taking any of them or any of the things we mean to each other for granted.

I've been at a crossroads with my professional endeavors for a few years as I've aged out of some... and AI is pushing me away from some of the other venues to the point that I'm really only working part-time... but I still enjoy vocal classes and auditions and call backs ... so that's why picked up the threads of my book outline and started writing with a renewed  passion and some new insight (It's a mystery-suspense novel... but I'm throwing in some of my own experiences and history to give it some life blood and spice) this all started with someone saying I should write a book about my life and experiences... I was not really wild about the idea... I'm still not... but I'll share part of it... I'm really doing it because...

• It may generate some income... (I'm already thinking about the talkshow circuit and book signing tour)
• It's helping me stay creative 
• With the research it's building knowledge
• My mindset is evolving

One of the things about growing up and growing older is that other people opinions about me or my life are mattering less and less... it all started when I was in college and I said "Oh my gosh what will people think if I did ___________?... and one of the smartest people in the world said something to the effect of...

Here is a room filled with all the people who pay your bills and walk in your shoes every day and will determine your future and care more deeply about you and your loved ones than you do...who cares what other people think... don't ever let anyone or their unsolicited opinions  discourage you again... and I never have.

If there is a master class on getting older... I'm just kind of winging it and improvising on a daily basis.

I've started with... "I am not what happened to me along the way... I am what I choose to become... I have to create my own world or die in someone else's"

That being said... every morning while I'm having my coffee I take out a notebook and read and some days write something new about the things I'm grateful for, or what I admire and respect in Nichols and the life we built together... and with each new choice I have or have to consider or reconsider each day... I ask... "Does this choice support the life I want?"... because all we get are time and choices... we need to be very wise with both...but you need to be willing to take risks and chances sometimes...

Choice is the most powerful tool we have...every choice we make opens an infinite number of opportunities or portals in the universe... at the same time it can close off an infinite number of possibilities or paths... at any point we can change the direction and the fabric and texture of our life with a simple choice.

So what's my master plan?... it's pretty simple...

and...

so it took me years to figure this all out but... there is no such thing as spare time, there is no such thing as free time, no such thing as down time. All you've got is Life time... spend it wisely. Please remember that you are totally replaceable at work...You are not replaceable at home... home is your real life.

We have Broadway theatre tickets next week to see Patti LuPone and Mia Farrow... maybe I'll write about that next I'm not sure... Oh and one more thing... if you are able to vote in the upcoming election in the US make sure you are registered... double check your registration... and make sure you vote... this year is probably the most important election of our lifetime.

Meanwhile...if you have a chance to help someone, be thankful for the opportunity... the circumstances are aligned for you to be in the perfect place at the perfect time to make a difference in someone's life.

Please join me again next month!