The Fashion-Beauty-Health & Happiness Edition

September came and ended so quickly again... the days were mixed with smiles and a few tears... but I'm still full of hope... OK... so here we are again... it's autumn in the city.  For some reason this time of year has always signified a shift in the story or maybe even a new chapter... probably all the years of back to school shopping and starting a new grade level and the other things that only happen in the fall, getting ready for winter dreams and the holidays to come...... I've said before many times that my favorite season is summer... followed closely by Indian Summer... because... well another summers promises are coming to an end.. but it's giving us one last chance to make a wish, devise a plan, or ask another important question and maybe finally follow through on a decision we put off while basking in the summer sun... That being said... fall is definitely my second favorite... mostly because I really like the clothes and perhaps more importantly there is a particular kind of sunlight, sky and air in autumn that does not exist in any other season... Life takes on a different quality and rhythm briefly when there is a crispness in the air and the crunch of fallen leaves under our steps... 

Speaking of clothing, frocks and frippery... The September issue of most of the fashion magazines is supposed to be their highlight and most revered viewpoint publication of the year...but alas they have been rather meager (at least for me) for several years... I take it a sign that my taste level has evolved higher or maybe just differently than what the rest of the world wants to look at and wear... when you realize this it puts a lot of other things in your life into perspective too... But before we go on... way back when I started writing here I said...fashion rules were made to be broken... sometimes you just have to bend the rules a bit to suit your fashion statements and philosophy ... that being said I still won't wear white shoes after Labor Day... that one is pretty easy for me because I don't wear white shoes... trainers don't count... but what I also said before and I'll reiterate it... don't ever waste fashion or just throw it away... because the carbon footprint on this planet is already far to big... If you don't wear something because it does not fit or suit you anymore... donate it to a thrift shop or worthy cause... someone probably will love it... but if it's beyond repair  and thread bare... cut it up and make a quilt or something... just don't throw anything away that is still in even the smallest way usable.

Judith Krantz wrote a book about 40 years ago about the fashion and publishing world in New York called. "I'll Take Manhattan" part of the plot involves the heroine of the story takes an out of date publication about the fashion trade and revitalizes it to fit the current market... there is a lot more to this than meets the eye for all of us now... In the book a new  beauty/lifestyle magazine is launched that likes you just the way you are... and does not want to make you buy things you don't want... and that the point is to fully enjoy you for who you are and your life and what you have. So that's pretty much my fashion advice for this edition... but there is still a bit more to read if you are so inclined.

Most magazines try to inspire you to be something you are not and to acquire things that are not authentic to who you actually are and in the end make you feel bad about yourself and choices in the process... because you don't have a picture perfect house and don't know the names of the people going to the places that are already old news by the time it's published and on the newsstand or your coffee table... I'm going to let you in on a little secret from my experience with the fashion and magazine industry... Magazines are simply a vehicle to sell advertising... they are not really selling dreams to you... but instead heartache and disappointment  because you don't quite measure up to what they are trying to entice you with... Don't let the suits on Madison Avenue undermine your self-confidence and independence...Don't let any magazine editorial or advertisement try to change you into something you don't want to be... sure look at them for some inspiration or ideas from time to time but please don't subject yourself to following any advice or suggestions that don't mesh with you and your life (that mentality is what creates fashion victims)... In all fairness if a fashion magazine is doing it's job and you as the reader have a strong sense of yourself then...the magazines are reporting the fashion world and drawing out the key elements for the season ahead... and summing up the most interesting and innovative ideas.... I still look for this but rarely find much to where it actually fits my tastes, aesthetics  and lifestyle... but in all fairness my favorite suit is my birthday suit... and my iconic  fashion item is still a plain white cotton tee shirt...

If I can give you one great piece of advice... stay away from anyone or anything that says... this is in... and this is out... Just decide for yourself... If someone gives you unsolicited fashion advice especially if it's prefaced with "Do you really think at your age?" Look at them with a blind eye and listen with a deaf ear... People who say this are giving advice on how they want to see you dress and/or act... and/or they are envious of your fashion joie de vivre.... I've always politely said... "You worry about what you are wearing and I'll take care of what I put on and what I want to show the world"... if that is too subtle for them then say this...

But always remember no matter what and even if you are second guessing yourself and having an off day...

In the working world there has always been an unwritten (but often it is actually written out and detailed)  norm for what is and is not acceptable attire to wear to work and for business related social activities... if you want to get ahead generally you need to adhere to what is outlined and fall in line with "the uniform"... this is true in most conservative business environments...over time it's relaxed a little bit... if not then you can often take subtle liberties to assert your own fashion flair (I used to know someone who became a partner at one of the most conservative law firms in Chicago and she had to wear what she had to wear... but underneath she wore the most outrageously naughty lingerie)... But always remember on your own time you are free to wave your own fashion flag... and you should always  wear it proudly. Phyllis Newman sang a song in The Mad Woman Of Central Park West that asked "Fancy or not a stitch which is better?"  Phyllis Newman---Better... for me I've always said my two favorite fashion choices are Black Tie or stark naked because both can be very festive and each can have almost endless possibilities depending on your attitude and the circumstances.

 I have always dressed up or down for me not other people... if you are of a certain age and/or independent means... you have a lot more flexibility  with not giving a damn what other people think about you and your clothing and accessory choices... this is one of the true perks of getting older and having the self confidence about expressing the freedom of your choices.... as you get older the one thing you should never wear are the opinions of others regarding your fashion choices... But if an invitation says "Black Tie" my advice is to wear it...don't reinterpret it (but wear it your way). One of my all time favorite quotes about style and growing older is...

Clothing and real fashion have no gender or expiration date... If you like it and it makes you feel good about yourself... wear it...

But remember try to find things in colors and fabrics that flatter you and show you off to the world in the best way possible... if you feel you have a flaw like skinny legs or whatever... find things that don't bring attention to it... as I said last month I'm going to change my approach to what I spend on clothing... I'm going to buy one really sensational thing every year and I'm also going make one amazing thing with my sewing machine... and if it's good fabric and made well... and I take care of it... it will last for several years... so try to aim for something with timeless appeal... but once and a while a little whimsey never hurt anyone (one of my favorite things was a Stephen Sprouse liquid silver metallic tee shirt)... remember to take care of your body and have it be in the best shape and condition possible (remember that clothing does not make you look heavier... extra unwanted weight does that)... and finding the right clothing will be a little less stressful when you are as fit as possible... the bottom line with fashion is if you feel like a million dollars when you have it on and it makes you happy to wear it... You have found the true north on your fashion compass... and don't let anyone ever talk you out of it... but don't loose sight of the fact that your life, tastes and needs will evolve over time... don't be so rigid that you lock into something without even considering something you may have eschewed or never considered in the past.

 

In terms of beauty... I want to share something Joy Reid said recently..."With everything going on in the world right now... it's more important than ever to stay  rested, hydrated, unbothered and moisturized." and if I may add my own two cents... "Move and make decisions like everything is going to work out" (someone I used to work with called it the Harper's Bazaar walk)These are going to be my watch words for my beauty, health and psychological well being from now until I draw my last breath... I still deeply care and am bothered by everything going on right now... but I'm not loosing a minutes sleep over it anymore or anything else unless it involves my friends and/or loved ones... The following  is my simple beauty regime for the 21st century...

• Go to bed early and get a good night sleep (we need beauty sleep)*
• Get up early and face everything (do the more difficult things first)
• Drink plenty of water
• Eat good food
• Exercise
• Cleanse, tone and moisturize 
• Get fresh air every day
• Save money
• Read**
• Listen to music** 
• Avoid gossip and drama
• Take a nap if you feel like it...

*   While you dream your brain sorts out memories, your body heals and your cells regenerate.

** Old songs and books hit  new notes and cords when you’re not the same person who read it or listened to it years ago... before the experiences and knowledge that brought you to where you are now

It may seem a little boring at first glance... but boring is seriously underrated.

The best part about being true to yourself is...you no longer have an image to maintain...you will delight some... and disturb others... truth be told that's the way it's been for me almost my entire life... because in the end... none of it will matter either way... the saddest version of me when I started growing older was when I lost my spark and direction and did not really know who I was anymore or what I was supposed to be as an older adult... luckily it was a brief period and I found myself  and a new and improved life again.

I said in an earlier excerpt "Beauty is as beauty does" I don't think many people really think about this anymore because most people have become so mean, crass and calculating.... I started to really consider it after a conversation I had with my mother and my brother when I was younger and as it was pointed out at the time... you really can't take any credit for the way you look when you are 18...but as you get older... if you are still attractive and (one of the key ingredients to beauty) happy then all the words, actions, choices and the way you have lived your overall life will be your own doing...real beauty comes from within and develops with age.

The way I've looked has certainly opened many doors for me and for a significant period of my life it was part of how I earned a living... but it's also had a darker side... sometimes certain people in the past made me or I allowed them to make me feel unseen for what was not visible to the naked eye...and a few times mistrusted and misunderstood, condescended to and insulted and often feeling isolated and alone... and this was all on me to find a way to bridge the gap and shed light on what was lost between the shadow and the act between what other people see and who I actually was then and am now beneath the surface. But always remember you can't make other people be more than they are... a lesson that took me a long time to learn... For the people who all they have ever been is beautiful... it's usually very difficult to  find their way out from this...but I will always remember the words of Judith Sheindlin... better known as Judge Judy... "Beauty fades... dumb is forever"... intelligence and a moral compass fill in a lot of the missing pieces over time as we evolve... but one of the most important  key ingredients as I said before is to be...

I guess one of the last few things I'll say about beauty... don't have cosmetic surgery unless you absolutely have to... I was in an automobile accident and I wanted to get my face back to as close as possible to what it looked like before... that being said if you are seriously considering going under the knife... look at the celebrities or people you know who have had surgical procedures  and look very closely to see if it did or did not have beneficial results... there is something really underrated about aging gracefully... someone once said "A smile is the best facelift" I think it was Sissy Spacek in an interview about 30 years ago... if you really feel that it's something you need to do... then go to the best doctor available and be prepared to pay top dollar... I've seen people walking around who look like they did it themselves with a kitchen knife and a needle and thread... I don't want to post it here but google the image of the female cast of Knots Landing.... then and now... that to me is the best poster for taking care of your self and letting nature take it course...

Quick story... I saw a couple of people about 20ish years ago on the subway and they were laughing and happy and suntanned the way you get when you go skiing in the spring... and they both looked like they lived the most incredibly fun and happy life... and I kept staring and thought what is it about them that is making them look so amazing (they appeared to be about 10-15 years older than I was and I was looking for some beauty tips)... and it dawned on me that they were aging naturally and loving every moment of their life... and I said to myself then and there ... that's the beauty road I'm going to take.

One of the things I've talked about many times here in the last several years is moving away from the people, career choices and places that did not fit with who I was becoming and where I wanted to go...It all started at Heathrow airport... I got paged  and shortly after someone approached me and said " Are you the Boz Bochner that used to live on Kalakaua Avenue in Honolulu...?... I paused for a second flashed a big smile and said... "No... but I used to be... now I'm the Boz Bochner who lives on Egerton Terrace here in London.... we could not possibly be more different from each other"... so many things have happened over the years and its really important to understand that who you used to be in the past and who you are now... and who you will be in the future are three different people and what you always need to consider is if the people who you used to know or knew you in the past... only know a person who no longer exists... 

Sometimes it's possible to find new connection with people we used to know and sometimes not...what I look for in others when trying to find common ground is a mutual understanding of...life is already very difficult at times and I don't want to be around people who make it more difficult...and I don't want to be that kind of person to anyone else... I want to be around people that we bring out the best in each other... comfort, calm and peace... that is the kind of energy I need from people and that is the kind of energy I will give back.

One of the most powerful things you can do for yourself and how others see you in the cold grey light of dawn every day... is to develop emotional intelligence... you will know you have it the moment you stop reacting by being triggered or provoked... and stop chasing approval and most importantly protecting your peace at all costs... after that most everything in your life will start to shift.

It's very important to remember... you are not a machine...you are a living breathing person with a soul that needs  music, connection, pockets of joy and beautiful sunsets and laughter... prioritize these things like your life depends on it... because it does... as far as fashion and beauty goes... it's all in the details of knowing who you are and understanding your own life and direction.... Deep down inside you your soul knows what you need and want and what works and what needs more work and refinement... start listening to the little voice inside of you that is trying to lead the way.

If you were hoping that this segment was going to be a fabrics and colors and garment silhouettes and accessories... and skin and hair care and exercise and diet... I've already written about all that so take a look back in the previous entires in the archives of what I've written about those subjects previously.

So it's already autumn and the days are flying by faster than ever...if all you are doing is working and stressing out and paying bills ... make time every day to enjoy the most you possibly can...I had to teach myself again to take walks, and enjoy music and laughter and relaxation again... Happiness does not have to be expensive... we all deserve to be happy every day of our lives....

I'll close with something I thought about including last month but decided to save as a highlight for this month... 

Fascism is cured by reading

Racism is cured by traveling--- Miguel de Unamuno

I find this to be mostly true if you in fact read between the lines when necessary and ask questions and look for answers in life... but more than anything you have to be a decent person with a moral compass... and if when you travel you actually experience another place and the people and culture... There is more than just seeing the sights and sounds of life in a place outside your comfort zone.

I'm always amazed at the number of people I encounter who have no interest in world  travel... and even more amazed at the people who don't or won't read... it's difficult for me to have any meaningful conversations with these people except small talk... which probably fits their comfort and skill set best.

On a completely personal level...Because of a series of calamities starting in 2018.... that were completely out of our control... the life we once knew and were comfortable living  changed for us forever... and we both knew life would never be what it was ever again... and then covid came along and shut everything down making matters even worse...  and there were a handful of people going out of their way to try and actually make it worse... We had the difficult lesson to learn that Just because someone is "family" doesn't mean we had to tolerate lies, chaos, drama, manipulation and disrespect. For a while it felt like we slipped into an alternate reality with no way out...and nothing made sense the way it used to.. we made a commitment to each other we would find our way again to a new and better life... we started by removing toxic ties and relationships from our lives and  relied on each other and the strength, support and friendship from the small handful of people who were not part of the toxic people purge... and we started to  rebuild  our life from the ground up... "Are we there yet?"... no but our life is much better than it was when it all fell apart... there is a lesson there for us with the way things are now on the outside world...I've been saying this since last January..."Things could be worse... and maybe they will get worse... but we will find a way out of that too."

So in terms of the life outside of our front door we are taking the same approach more or less but on a much larger scale... there are many more factors to be considered... but like I said last month... I have hope... and that sometimes is the first step...to making determined differences.

I've said it here before... a friend once reminded me that I've gotten through all the worst days of my life... and there were times I was more than a little unsure I was going to make it... but I did... and it made me think about all the people in my life who did not make it and the millions of people who also lost a battle they tried valiantly to win... I think about all of them when I'm having one of those days that I still have so much to be grateful  for in spite of all the distractions, curve balls and chaos life can throw at us... that I'm so thankful that I never gave up trying. 

So with   everything that is happening in the world right now, not matter what... I promise I'm going to show up for the fight when I need to... And while I'm doing everything else that needs to be done I'm going to rock the look and be the person I fought so hard to become.

 

See you next month!... go out and start living your best most fabulous life!

 

Hope Or Despair?

Let me start by saying...

...I hope everyone had a wonderful summer... I did...but it was like all the others that came before it and went by much too quickly... but like previous years there are some glorious memories that will linger indefinitely... I did not do the things I normally do... I spent quite a bit of time researching, writing and in the process of concentrating on something else... I found a few new ways back to myself again... and I'm starting (after a few difficult years) to feel like me again.

A reader sent me an email asking me why I like summer so much... well I grew up in a tropical environment... and I just feel better...so I'm a firm believer in the healing powers of sunlight...it does not just shine on you... you absorb the sun... the light illuminates your blood, your eyes, your heart, your whole you and it energizes you.. so get out and soak up some sun whenever you can... but don't forget the sunscreen and wear a hat if it's intense.

Speaking of time flying...I started this writing project 10 years ago... a few people kept telling me that I should  write a book about my life.. and I was reluctant and the truth is I still am... but in writing some things down I remembered a few forgotten details (some good and a few not so good) that brought me to where I am now... The fact of the matter is... I really have had a wonderful life full of adventure and joy and seasoned here and there with mishaps and despair, I've had a lot of bad days along the way... but that is all they were bad days and not a bad life because I was able to let go and move on from them and didn't hold on to the hurt, pain or fear.... so in examining my life and the players in and out of the story... I have made an outline  for a mystery suspense novel that I'm hoping to eventually publish in the fiction market... I'm taking some of the parts of my life, loves. losses and adventures and weaving it into the story arc of my book mostly for timeline narrative from the mid 70's to the present.

I want to thank each and every one of you for reading over the years here and for the feedback. I have a few ideas about the direction going forward so I really would appreciate any input to what you would like me to address or readdress.This month I'm going to write about what I have been focusing on since last November...If you have any empathy and critical thinking skills... you really can't help at times but feel an overwhelming sense of despair and dread about the sate of affairs in the world right now from the ongoing war in the Ukraine and the mounting cruelty in Israel and Gaza... and perhaps closer to home for most of us... the unravelling of democracy in the United States... I could probably write something every month until the results are released for the election on 7, November 2028... but I'm not going to and I'm going to try to restrain myself from addressing any of the following issues in any sort of depth... unless I absolutely have to... In case you have not been able to keep of with all the chaos...here is a sample of the issues I care about (I'm only outlining it because there is so much more than this that came  previously and  it's sometimes easy to get lost in all the mayhem...

• He is grifting in plain sight
• The illegally imposed tariffs paid for by US consumers
• He seized The Kennedy Center
• He is selling federal buildings
• He is attacking institutions
• He is defying court orders
• He has manipulated the market
• He has weaponized the DOJ
• He got rid of food safety
• He got rid of disease control
• He wants to destroy public land
• He wants to mine seabeds in international waters
• He is extorting minerals from other nations
• He gave an unelected oligarch access to government data
• He has broken trust with our allies
• He is organizing a police state militia against US citizens
• He has weakened global confidence in America
• He is trying to dismantle the Department Of Education and CDC
• In addition there is a laundry list of insane proposals meant to distract everyone from the issues like The Epstein Files by threateining  annexing Canada and Greenland and let's not forget erasing and whitewashing history... and the endless lies and more lies
• Finally he is hurting so many innocent people needlessly while driving up the deficit to historic levels... don't even get me started on Jacqueline Kennedy's rose garden and Barak Obamas official White House portrait.

On top of everything else... Until the proof is disclosed... He is a sexual predator and a pedophile protecting other high profile pedophiles...No matter what... this is what he will always be to me...

He is a liar, his cognition is in serious decline... he is dismantling democracy daily... he has enablers supporting him are laying the ground work to manipulate future elections .. this is all in the last 7 months... America will not survive this for another three and half years... I have had to take a step back from the fray and manufactured mayhem and focus on my own health, happiness and sanity... But if there is something actually positive from all of static and noise of these horrible days we are living in right now... it's that it's become very clear who we are and what we stand for and what matters... Who will you be? What will you stand for? Decide and live and act accordingly to those standards. 

I'm going to share with you some of the things that I have been thinking about since last January and more specifically this past summer... besides playing tennis...

and spending time with friends...

I've always found some strength and insight from the wise words of Isak Dinesen... "The cure for everything is salt water... sweat, tears or the sea."... I've found over the years it really is not a cure... but a wonderful remedy with restorative power to heal.

Some situations and people are portals...you need to pay close attention and choose the ones that lead to your hearts desires and the help build the core of your journey positively... all of this starts with the things you think about and how you think...the happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts because your soul takes the color and shape of what you concentrate on... I've had to train myself to take my sleep patterns back... starting in 2016 I would lay in bed and analyze and obsess about.. well almost everything that was happening and what could happen... it's important to be well informed of what is going on in the world and even in your neighborhood right outside your door... but more importantly what is happening in your life and inside your house should be the top priority... The difference  is now I'm not letting the state of affairs of the world rob me of my beauty sleep and happiness and all the really important aspects of my life.

Your mind will believe everything you tell it. Feed it hope. Feed it truth. Feed it with Love... Often in life we have no choice but face despair and find a way out of it to the other side... to find joy... but to get there you need hope.

So..remember you have to deal with things... you have to face what's going on in the world as much as you do your own life... don't make them the priority when you don't have to... My mantra for the rest of this situation or maybe for the rest of my life is going to be...I'm not wasting my time and energy on things that I don't love. I think we all need to fall in love with ourselves and our life again... I'm only making my favorite foods...and I'm admiring the sunrises and sunsets when I can... because they are not an endless supply for any of us...I'm dancing to the upbeat songs on my playlists (even if I'm by  myself) and usually singing along... I'm wearing my favorite clothes and putting my best foot forward to bring me back to my best self... Once upon a time when life was either teaching me lessons or making me toughen up and face the cold harsh reality of the world I was  drowning  in despair... So  I packed up everything I cared about  and said "All this fucked up shit will not be my story"... and I moved to land far, far away and for the rest of that chapter of my life I lived happily ever after... We all reach a point in life that we can't always do that.. (but I loved it when I did it) and we have to deal with it and change the course of the events any way possible where we are. Sometimes all you need to realize is you are too pretty and well educated for some of the shit and people that life throws at you... all you have to do is move on and just write the negative narrative out of the story... it's as simple as that (not always that easy but you know what I mean)... the older I have gotten the more I've grown with the knowledge that  it's OK to live a life that others don't understand... and never will.

If you have a dream and you need write it all down with a timeline and a date...  then it becomes a goal...if you break the goal down into steps then it becomes a plan... if you back the plan up with actions... the dream can become a reality... but spoiler alert... you sometimes have to go back and make different plans and instigate different actions... but don't give up. (Writing the book helped illustrate this to me)

I have become a big advocate for privacy... the lesson was learned from people who I thought I could trust and they proved otherwise... so if you have dreams, plans or even musings... keep them to yourself. Don't post your every thought on social media...If you want to be up for big changes and adventures...Live it... but stay low key... privacy is everything and it is a safe guard from other people interfering.

But one of the things I will share with you... this year... and the coming years I'm going to make life very personal... in that anything that makes me happy... I'm doing it.

If you read back I wrote previously about know how to read the signs that life shows you... sometimes they are subtle... other times not so much...

But one thing that really helps navigate the directions of life is your intuition (your intuition is an internal voice that does not always use words)... Always listen and don't ignore it... there is a reason you feel a certain way about some people and certain  situations.

Probably one of the most important things I've done for my life is setting boundaries  and not tolerating disrespect and patronizing passive aggressive shit from toxic people... the truth is I grew up with a person who we all had to tiptoe around to keep peace... the only peace we protected was his... over the years everyone else silently suffered and it came with a high price tag... Just because someone is family or they sign your paycheck does not mean you have to tolerate lies, chaos, drama, manipulation and disrespect... For me one of the most satisfying feelings in my life has been walking away from toxic jobs and people knowing that I never had to go back and never needed to tolerate it from anyone again... on top of all that I have finally evolved to a place that the worst I will ever wish for people is that they meet themselves and similar situations in someone else... in not following this I may have risked time in prison for some of the things I once considered even if just half heartedly or in jest for some of the revenge I was fantasizing about... and I finally figured out the negative thoughts were impacting my growth and had no effect on them whatsoever... So I'm handing it over to Karma!

The thing you need to remember about bullies is that they are not always teenagers in middle school... they are often adults in offices who have important titles and wear expensive clothes...that think they have the right to break the spirit of other people so that they can somehow, in some small way feel a little bit better about their pathetic miserable lives.

It's not easy but...building a small circle of friends who are genuine, mature spiritually, who keep some space in their heart and minds for the unimaginable and not bitterness and animosity... and who hold the importance of compassion above judgement and criticism... the ones who grow with you through life... I've let go of a lot of people but the real friends who are still around are more priceless than gold to me. I always remember a quote from Aristotle... "The antidote for fifty enemies is one good friend."

I've said this probably a million times in my life... but to have a friend... you have to be a friend... not everyone we encounter is destined to be one of the long haul people in our lives and that's OK... I sometimes reintegrate on a sort of parallel plane with a lot of these people and places in my dreams or the quiet thoughts waiting for sleep because there is a place between goodnight and good morning where we can sometimes reconnect with the people and things and ideas that somehow fell trough the cracks or got lost between the shadow and the act... lost to time.

So one of the most valuable lessons I learned from walking away and burning bridges is no one should ever feel desperate for anything... whatever it takes to empower yourself... do it in the most unapologetic way. If you need to look up the elements of critical thinking and incorporate them into your every day life and thoughts  that will likely help light the way...

In addition to all the horrible things happening in the world right now...one of the things that has caused me a more than my fair share of despair... for the last 10 years or so... people especially right wing politicians and their constituents  are behaving in an even more deplorable way than ever before (in my opinion) all those people aside... there are countless people I know who are witty and fun and smart... but they lack basic decency... but there is some hope here if you draw very strict boundaries of what you will and won't accept from people... but at the same time we are now being given the opportunity to show everyone we are who we say were are "You can talk the talk... but you have to walk the walk too"... no matter what I will not become like the horrible people crawling out of their caves who feel empowered from hatred and lies.

... if you see someone being silenced in a conversation... intervene and turn the conversation back to them...I can tell you from experience that being with people who won't listen or talk over you or won't let you share your point of view is lonelier than being alone... if you see someone falling behind for any reason slow your pace to match theirs... I had a friend once who was several years older than I am and said to me once "I love having you as a friend for so many reasons but you helped me want to walk faster to keep up with you and the times and see the things that most people my age can't be bothered with anymore"... I want to make one thing perfectly clear right here... don't ever dumb yourself down for anyone ever... make them come up or help bring them up to your level... if someone is left out be the person to include them...show people that they matter...Feeling invisible or silenced can cut so deep into a persons soul and might cause irreparable damage... when you show someone that they are valued and respected that stays with them the same as disdain, insults and humiliation. Remember this... somewhere there are people who still smile when they remember a moment in time with you... and vice versa... How do you want to be remembered?

I'm going to close with something that fascists do to manipulate people.., its confusion, chaos and fear... I made a personal promise with myself last month after reading something that Marguerite Duras wrote...

There has been a lot to despair in the distant and not too distant past of all of our journeys up until today... but I'm holding out for hope and strength... and I will do anything I can to keep them in my life and thoughts... I'm still hoping for a certain obituary with my morning coffee... but that is not going to completely eradicate the mess we are in right now... but it's a start... no matter what... I believe all the way down to my toes that... I'm not going to be ruled by a tyrant or a wanna-be king... I'm going to hold on to the narrative and direction I want for my life at all costs.

I hope you will join me this year and we can discover some of them together... one of the things I'm going to talk about is... at a certain age we need less stuff... and in my case especially... clothing...I have enough things to wear if  live to be 100... so I made a decision... because we still need something new that makes us look and feel like a million dollars now and then... but from now on... I'm following the advice of Vivienne Westwood... "Buy one good thing every year"... choose well, and make it last.

It's important to understand that sometimes hope and despair have to walk hand in hand but... if you give up on hope and your dreams and surrender to despair... all the really important aspects of what makes you... you... will start to evaporate... I'm hopeful we will all find our way... There has been such an orchestrated effort to divide us that I want to share an interesting fact...Your DNA is 99.9 % identical to every other human on earth... it's that 0.1% that accounts for every face, every story, every difference... we have so much common ground with everyone let's celebrate our individual differences and the multitude of things that we share... Finally I wish for this every year on my birthday when I blow out the candles on the cake... I'm not giving up on it...

See you next month... or better yet... Let's meet in British Columbia and soak up some sun....

Oh and one last thing... The fact that sometimes time seems to fly by so fast it's possible to miss some of the important details that can slip unnoticed through the cracks... always keep that in mind because there is a clock ticking for each and every one of us...we can't see it or hear it... but we all need to start feeling it... love who loves you and enjoy your life before the clock starts winding down...and stops. Do not get lost in a sea of despair... be hopeful... be optimistic... it's a lifetime struggle to do this... but it's better than giving up. Don't be afraid... make some noise... bang your own drum... light the path for change no matter how small at first and keep going and share your light with others who might need it too.

September has always symbolized an ending and a beginning for me... The crisp freshness in the air can carry longing or endless new possibilities... let it smell and feel like success and happiness overflowing into every area of your life... but just in case... be open to an Indian summer for one last hot kiss not tasted under the clear blue sky  or a warm embrace on a starry night only yearning for   during July and August.

Me ke aloha!

Across The Universe

When I was an undergraduate student at UCLA was  probably the first time I realized I was a part of the bigger world that what was beyond where I grew up and the people I knew in my community and around the same time it was the first time anyone ever asked me..."What sign are you?" and... "What is your favorite song?... both questions have been asked numerous times since and the answers are both still the same... Aries... and Across The Universe from The Beatles last album Let It Be ... from the fist time I heard it the words and the music spoke to me and it's the first time I ever looked into researching Sanskrit because the song prominently features a Sanskrit mantra.... I've always somehow heard this song when I needed to hear it to be reminded of what I used to be and/or what I have become from it or it just popped into my head for the same reason.... I heard it again by chance recently and decided to add it to my regular playlist from my music library because I could not get the chorus of the song out of my head... But I'll get back to all of this later.

I've been very lucky that in some of my travels I have come close to seeing across the universe... literally and figuratively... from certain beaches, summits but mostly from the cockpit of a Pan Am 747... some of the most interesting conversations I've ever had were in darkened flight decks or galleys when all the passengers were sleeping or watching a movie... one that I remember most vividly is "In space, there is no weather or atmosphere or seasons... none of the things that we take for granted in our everyday lives"... what I took away from this is being more mindful of all the things we do have even on bad days... The planet we are living on is alive and we are lucky to be a part of it... I remember one year on 24, December our flight was going over the North Pole.. and I thought about what almost everyone probably thinks about flying over the North Pole on Christmas Eve... and also how lucky I have been to have these amazing experiences and eventual memories... I thought about pretty much the same when I was running around on the South Pole once, except for the Santa Clause part... and.. Did you know that when you stand at the geographic South Pole all lines of longitude converge at that point and you are literally standing in 24 time zones?...in theory you can step from today to yesterday... and back into tomorrow... that's one of the reasons I always wanted to go back.

and did one more time... 

From this and everything in-between I've seen some amazing places and met interesting people and tasted phenomenal food and cultures... one of the best pieces of advice I was given very early in life was "Don't be a tourist with your life... be of the world"...by all this as it was explained "don't ever feel like you are visiting a foreign place... it's another place in the same world you live in but offers you the chance to expand your knowledge and horizons."  I love to travel because you really have no idea who you really are until you experience yourself through new people and experiences... one of the best educations you can get is traveling, nothing else teaches you more than exploring the world and accumulating new experiences and ideas. I like to do some of the touristy things that most places offer a traveler... but I also like to go off the beaten path and visit the neighborhoods and the restaurants and shops... I usually visit a grocery store, and a dry cleaning establishment and go see a movie or two (especially if it's raining)... all in all I like to do the things I normally do at home with some foreign flavors added in...on one of these excursions someone told me... "The secret to your future is hidden in your daily routine." ... meaning... Don't ignore yourself and your own needs...always be mindful of your posture... take extra special care of your hair and skin, drink plenty of water (at least 2 liters a day) and eat food that gives you energy... get fit and take care not to look sloppy... when you look good you feel good. With that advice I've kept my A-Game... but no matter what and no matter where I am I always get fresh air every day and take a walk and see the world even if it's in my neighborhood... during my walk I think about the things I'm grateful for and some of the things I need to work on improving... my mantra since 2018 has been.."If you focus on the hurt you are going to keep suffering from it... If you focus on the lesson you need to learn from it you will keep growing and move on."...  and on the flip side...

...Happiness comes like luck or love according the the life we lead and the people we are and just as importantly the people we know and associate with regularly... I learned the following from an interview I read once about Eli Wallach... he said "I've learned the secret to pissing people off... I'm happy!"

Ever since the first boarding pass crossed my palm I plan for the trip by doing research about where I'm traveling to and the cultural similarities and differences... as well as handy things like... currency exchange, what the weather and climate are like... but maybe most importantly cultural do's and don'ts... as well as a few handy words and phrases that will come in handy...

• Greetings
• Eating Out 
• Hotel, Airport and Train Station lingo
• Directions
• Help (I'm lost, I need help, I need a doctor etc)

Most everyone everyplace I've ever been usually speaks English as a second language (except in small towns and rural areas)... but If you make a sincere effort to try to speak their language... it makes a world of difference. (All of this is available on your smart phone in a pinch)

... No one has an excuse with this anymore with the technology available now (We used to have to go to the library or book store and do research)...  Do yourself a favor and buy or download a map of where you are going and also if you are going to use public transportation ( which I wholeheartedly recommend especially in big cities)... get a hold of the transit system map and the timetables, rates and rules and regulations...

OK I might as well say it since I've been dying to say it almost my entire adult life... "If you are going to complain that things are different from the way you are used to... stay home and save yourself and everyone else the grief from your endless whining and complaining"... if on the other hand you want to immerse yourself in a new culture and ask questions with an open mind and are sensitive to cultural norms... you will move around more easily, blend in and I'm going to say probably make some new friends...and speaking of blending in... think about where you are going and what you are wearing... I'm all in for people having their own unique style and flavor...  that's all part of your savoir faire... but don't stick out like a broken thumb... I can usually spot a tourist with one eye closed from a pretty good distance based on what someone is wearing  and their attitude...

You would be amazed what comes up if you google.... "What should I wear in Paris during the summer"... easy-peasy packing advice... My own personal packing advice is whenever I am going somewhere I really like to do carry-on only if possible (it makes getting through customs and immigration and being on your merry way whistling a happy tune much faster without having to wait for baggage claim) I wear my best outfit on the flight (people judge your airport travel outfit especially if you are hoping for an upgrade) everything else in my baggage goes with it in a mix and match kind of way... don't make the mistake of packing with the idea that you can make choices at your destination... make the choices before you pack. If you really need something that you did not pack then buy it. (I was once invited to an outdoor family wedding of a friend in Italy during the summer...my wonderful airport/airplane ensemble was not going to cut it. If you go back and read about my first round the world adventure (click on)  Around The World In 30 Days Part 2   I did it all with carry on luggage until the last two legs of the trip (Shopping in London and New York forced me to check a bag)

You have to remember that no matter where you go in the world... there you are... don't travel with the idea of running away... travel with the idea of finding yourself again under new and auspicious circumstances... explore new places, meet new people, try new foods... come up with new ideas and devise an updated plan for your life... and perhaps discovering new places and people and things that you did not know you were looking for until you find it and/or them...that to me is the idea of being of the world and not an ordinary tourist just seeing the sights.

Someone recently asked me what song I would want to have played at my funeral and/or memorial service... I explained that I was going to be an organ donor after I died and would not be having a funeral... I'm not really all that keen on any sort of memorial service particularly if it going to be swathed in sadness and tears... but If the few people who I still have some meaningful connection with want to get together for a couple of drinks and toast to the good times and fun memories... than I would not mind if Across The Universe was played when all is said and done.. because  for me it's always represented  that the world is big and most of the trivialities  of life really don't matter... But at the same time, every little thing has meaning and we should be hopeful and eternally grateful to everything that has made us who we are. The song  at its very core, is a song about the human experience... no matter if the story is near the beginning... the middle... the end of the beginning... the beginning of the end... or the end... there is still more to the story.

Across The Universe (Youtube)

All that being said when it's all over for me I hope there is someone able to get a few of my molecules on a floating lantern in the Shinnyo Lantern Floating Ceremony in Honolulu on Memorial Day.

So now I'm bidding you adieu until September... I'm taking my usual summer off to regroup and recharge... June, July and August are my favorite months in the northern hemisphere because my hair gets lighter, my skin gets darker, the water is warmer, the drinks are colder and the music seems to sing a little more joyously for some reason... I do have a little bucket list fro the rest of the month...

Thanks for reading... Have a great summer... what is your favorite song?... and why?... see you in September!

PS... don't forget the sunscreen and make sure to drink extra water!