What this is about really is no one gives parties the way they used to and many don't know how to give a party and sadly few people seem to know how to be a party guest anymore.
I was discussing the reason no one dresses up anymore (or even dresses nice) with one of the most chic people I know... Ms Smarty Pants who wrote some thought provoking things on the subject!
www.akamssmartypants.com/2015/10/the-slobification-of-america.html
I could not argue any of her points but the one thing that dawned on me is that no one really gives fancy parties in their home anymore... by fancy I mean they could rival a shindig given by Jay Gatsby; in that woman had their hair done and dug out their nighttime jewelry and wore some smashing gown or cocktail dress and men looked handsome and debonaire in black tie or at least a suit fitting the occasion. Even the maids wore uniforms of black silk and white organdy.
These were the kind of parties I grew up thinking were parties... although I was not an actual guest at these events ( my brother and I as children used to sneak into the library where all the ladies fur coats were carefully laid out after making their entrance until they were put back on for their exit)... there is something to a young boy that is utterly intoxicating about rolling around in mink and sable fragranced with the likes of Chanel no 5, Joy and Schalamar... I can still bring all of it back vividly in my sensory memory bank. including the sounds of music for dancing and laughter and Champagne corks popping. Somewhere around the time that there was no longer a boutique in Beverly Hills called Jax these sort of parties ceased to exist... in hindsight there were several socio-economic factors in our family but at the time I seemed to think the extinction of both was somehow intertwined maybe even in a parallel universe. (Speaking of Jax... he put the coolest labels in his things and it was were I got my first Rudy Gernreich item... I felt very outre for a very good reason... a lot of people did not have the nerve to wear his designs... I was not one of those people)
OK I"m getting off track... really great parties like almost everything else in life takes a lot of time, work and thought and a big wad of money... all of this coupled with the fact that most people don't like to dress festively anymore and that in my opinion was the decline and fall of the era of "The Great Party!"
Somewhere in the 70's things really started to relax and people let their hair down... literally. Caftans (which I still like and wear on certain occasions) were worn to parties around the pool with recored music replacing live music... and cater waiters replaced maids... even the food seemed to loose some of it's flavor. I remember thinking once... What happened to glamour and style?" I guess a lot of people were drunk or high and did not care anymore.
It seemed like the only times anyone gave a really swell party to dress up for was a Bar Mitzvah or wedding... don't get me wrong I love both as I know how to dance and am usually one of the more popular guests and sought after on the dance floor and my favorite food and drink happens to be wedding cake and Champagne.
I also went to some really fun parties (because parties are supposed to be fun) that were Hollywood movie event related (I once attended a party on what was the back lot at MGM that I could probably write an entire blog about so I'll save that story for later)... and then there were some pretty nifty parties in hotel ball rooms, restaurants and museums and the like... it just is not the same but I really can't complain because I met people like Catherine Deneuve, Brad Pitt, Penny Marshall, Lee Grant and Princess Diana... (just to name a few of my absolute favorites).
In terms of my own attempts at entertaining and being entertaining I have hosted everything from a frat house blow out (yeah I know you did not think I was the type did you?)... to soirees that could best be described as the Holly Golightly party in Breakfast At Tiffany's... to parties where the most that anyone wore were flowers and body paint. The best one was probaly the party hosted by the combined crews of Pan Am, Eastern and Western Airlines (sadly none in existence any longer) ... that got slightly out of control that the police were summoned to quiet things down a notch or two... When the police got off duty they came back to the party!
The most important part in all this is choose people who will enjoy each other and mix and have a good time (one of my hard learned rules in life has been that I will only invite people inside my home if I actually like them)... have music that is there but does not inhibit conversation, and if it's not a sit down dinner have food that is easy to eat and not messy and let's you and your guests move around and have fun... Even now if I'm serving dinner I use the Pan Am Lotus Flower fold or the Tavern fold (I've worked in catering too) Finally I always have a good toast handy; here is one of my favorites..."Nothing but the best for you... that is why we have each other as friends!"... I usually add "a votre sante' and "tchin-tchin" if we are clinking glasses!
A couple more things... if you get an invitation in the mail (I get one every year before the holidays and it always makes my year to open it) and if it says RSVP that means Respondez S'il Vous Plait in plain english it means RESPOND PLEASE! If you don't respond and show up or if you do respond and don't show up you are a dolt and I doubt you will ever be invited to my house again.... Oh and guests of those invited are not supposed to bring guests unless the host and/or hostess has been informed long before you ring the doorbell.... and if you see a stack of shoes outside the front door before you enter... take your shoes off... and don't show up empty handed and make sure to send a hand written thank you note...Rant over!
I like almost every kind of party... cocktail parties, dinner parties, pool parties, beach parties but the one party that has been my absolute favorite is one that I have been lucky enough to have been invited to for the last 20 years on 24, December... people with different ideas and backgrounds and viewpoints who have become my family and one of the most important aspects of my life... and I look forward to the invitation every year and start to think about what I'm gong to wear and daydream about the delicious food and conversation that have become the most cherished part of my year.
Since the holidays are approaching I'll be talking more about that next week.
Me ke aloha!
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