Will It Matter In A Year?

I have spent most of the past 10 years learning the importance of saying to myself and understanding the importance of  "Will it matter in a year?" It's taken me almost a lifetime to really learn the value of this lesson... I said last time I was going to outline something for you that was never on a bucket list.... but I've spent the better part of the the last few years getting ready for it... I'll get back to this later.

It's difficult for me to believe sometimes that the person I am living my life today is in any way related to the person I was 10 years ago... Whenever I hear someone say "people don't change" I simply smile and say nothing... the experiences I've had and the person I've become  prove them wrong... I'm not going to go into some of the lurid details... but if you can take chaos and somehow transform it into something calm, peaceful and beautiful... art if you will... then you will understand what alchemy is... often my mantra has been "flowers from seeds... crystal from sand... alchemy chanced... alchemy planned"

When I was quite young... like almost everyone I knew I said "Je ne regrette rien"... the fact is as I've gotten older "Je regrette beaucoup"... but it's important to utilize your alchemy skills with regret also... I have burned my fingers lighting the matches and danced in the ashes of all the bridges I've burned... and from that I have absolutely no regrets... I had to learn a way to call back the energy to cancel any ties, alliances or agreements with anyone or anything that does not resonate with what I have worked so hard to achieve as a person and the energy and direction I envision for my life... and from this point forward I will only allow respectful, reciprocated dynamics.

Going way back I had to find my way out of a very broken and twisted place... and now my home will be one with no loud anger or explosive rage, no slamming doors, or breaking glass, no name calling, shaming, or passive-aggressive manipulation... my home is safe and warm and inviting... and I sing in the shower again...and I smile while I'm cooking...and I dance in all the rooms of my house... this is how I healed.

Something that is important to always keep in mind with almost every decision is not to sacrifice quality for convenience. Horrible friends and terrible relationships and free things with strings attached are all really easy but in the end not worth it for what you give up of yourself... there is a proverb I learned as a child and it still crosses my thoughts from time to time... "Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"... you always need to protect your true essence of who you are from people who are not happy with themselves... they will always take their anger, hatred and frustrations out on you... best to move on... this is how I learned to burn bridges... I'm passing all of this along now to anyone who is trying to rediscover themselves and find their voice again after someone or something made you believe that sacrificing yourself and staying silent was safer.

All of these issues did matter in a year... some of them mattered for many years... but when you find your way out to the other side you will find that the people and the situations cease to matter and are not of any real importance going forward.

One of the things that really help me combat stress... I make lists of all the things I have now that I wanted when life was more difficult... and the different things that make me happy... and I write them down... and I color them... I almost have a whole book of them and am including some of them in the book I've been putting together...

I can't stress the importance of doing silly frivilous  things (I just bought a new straw hat this week) that serve no other purpose than making you happy!  I think if we really knew how much time we have left we would make better and different choices... I know I have in the last four years... I'm making it kind of short and sweet this week because at the end of the month I'm going into the hospital to be a living kidney donor to my best friend in New York... this decision has mattered to me very much over the last four years and the decision and outcome will matter in a year... and hopefully for many, many years to come for both of us. I'll write all about it in September... I am taking my normal summer sabbatical... in the meantime  enjoy your summer... here is a peek at how I plan to spend mine...

Thanks for reading... see you in September!

A Bucket List

Do you have a bucket list?... I've never had one... but I recently decided to start one... 

For most of my adult life I've gone where I wanted to go and done what I wanted to do... and never really saw the need to make a list or have any fanfare... I came across something recently on Twitter (I refuse to call it X)

I've done all of these things...they are pretty self explanatory... but I should qualify a couple... I was arrested for peaceful protest... and as far as drug use... I smoked pot with a friend who was undergoing chemo therapy about 30 years ago and got freaked out doing it alone... and as far as skipping school... I wrote previously everybody should take at least two mental health days a year... I have  many, many favorite mental health days too numerous to list... but they started on Catalina Island... and they have continued up to a few days ago at The Metropolitan Museum Of Art... prior to them being more formal and preplanned it was simply.. a spontaneous "Fuck this shit, I'm going to the beach!"

Somewhere I'm the middle of my rather peripatetic wandering  adventures someone said "It's no big deal... everything you are doing has already been done" I realized for the first time in my life that not everyone held me in the same high regard as I viewed them... I simply said... " Yes but not by me!"... with that I've been to Nepal... but had no interest in going during the cold and  climbing a mountain... I think it's important to swim outside your comfort zone to find what's on the distant shore... but use some common sense at the same time.

Speaking of Nepal... the Lukla Airport is one of the most spell binding take off and landings in the world... Visions of "Lost Horizon" flashed through my mind both times I was there... speaking of which... I'm not generally superstitious... but I do think everything comes in threes... so I'm fairly sure I'll find my way back there again.

Since it's necessary to swim outside your normal comfort zone in your travels and adventure...taking the polar plunge in the North Sea is something I'm glad I did but don't know If my spirit or my body could take the punishment again... the recovery time is painstaking... with emphasis on pain...

 Ditto for the 300 Club run in Antartica...

I'm still on the fence about running with the bulls again in Pamplona... I've done it twice.. so there you are... maybe once as a spectator...

Most everything else has seemed easy and relaxing by comparison...

A cruise down the Nile and sight seeing along the way ( some of my adventures have been influenced by movies and books...

 however I would love to take the trip but... I've only seen someone off once who were traveling on The Orient Express...

But I did travel on The Ghan in Australia and had an unforgettable time... 

My journey with my friend George on Route 66... I wrote about it here...Hitting The Road was one of my favorite adventures... maybe because we discovered things about ourselves and the world... and I'm nostalgic about our friendship since his death...

I'm not going to link or discuss anything else I've already written about except this Using Good Scents

Because it touches briefly on an adventure that included a misadventure... of lost luggage, passports, money and credit cards and sleeping on the beach in Nice and picking up the pieces and having  one of the best times of my life... still one of my favorite places because of the expereience...Your happiness traveling, adventuring or going around the block depends largely on your state of mind... I've learned that life can be a mirror or a reflection of your everyday thoughts and actions. Sometimes an adventure or new experience can be right around the corner... when I first moved to NYC I worked as a model for art classes... the extra money came in very handy... but more importantly... I met people and made friends in a new place...

Some of the simple luxuries I've found on these adventures are...

• A wonderful nights sleep with fragrant air listening to the waves...
• Slow mornings...
• Freedom to choose the course of the day...
• Time to play...
• Long walks
• Great conversations...
• Reading a good book...
• ... and taking a nap...
• Wonderful food...
• Finding new friendships or common ground with a person or a place...
• Colorful sunrises and sunsets....

One of the biggest things for me is I love sharing these adventures... but I've never been afraid of traveling by myself, going to a concert, movie or having dinner alone in a restaurant....if you want to do something... don't wait... life moves too fast to wait for someone to do everything on your list... I learned late in the game that I could do anything and was everything I ever needed ...it's a magical discovery but even better shared with friends and loved ones.

So what is on my bucket list... I want to find people again who are a little out of my league and are further along than  I am in knowledge and experience... who have bigger, broader visions... I want to be exposed to new facets of thought and perspectives of life so that I can grow and expand to meet the world on a new levels... these are the people who helped me find my way and made each adventure memorable and important... as I've reflected on this... perhaps this is the role I need to accept as part of my quest and helping someone along with their list of dreams and adventures.

I really want to go back to some of the places I've already been to explore with new knowledge and experience... and find new places and people... There are people and experiences  you will encounter  in your journeys that are impossible to forget because they open a portal to a new version of your life and outlook... the thing about a bucket list... if it's a good one... you have to keep adding to it... I'm starting the list with... I'm going to start golfing again this year... and playing bridge (I miss doing both)...who knows where things will go from there...

See you next month... I'm going to outline something that was never on my to-do list... but I've spent the better part of the last four years preparing for.

Thanks for reading.

Journey Wisely

 

I'm going to keep it fairly short and sweet this month... I've had to face some hard facts recently... when you start to reach a certain age... many of the people who have been part of the ride for several years either die or drift away... I've had several bad nights in the last week because another person who I worked with successfully and happily for several years died in his sleep... I suppose it's a double whammy because we drifted apart when we were no longer collaborating. I think the end of that part of our lives brought the difficulty for both of us in not wanting to  accept one door closing and the uncertainty of another opening... we both moved on... I moved toward happiness... and my friend who was never a happy person to begin with... unfortunately never found it.

I think everybody of a certain age was told by a parent " You will be judged by the company you keep".... I've always kept that close to my heart in my choices... sometimes more successfully than others... but finally I learned to accept my inner voice or intuition if you will... if something feels off about a person or situation... I'm usually right.

What I've come up with from these mostly sleepless nights this past week is...that I'm never again going to regret someone that I had an amazing time and experience with... the person and the circumstances amazing... we grew together for a reason... and we grew apart for different reason... and fighting it is probably like trying to stop a tidal wave.... I've said in a previous chapter here... Life changes...we lose people and parts of ourselves because of it...and suddenly with time new friends and experiences come to find us... and we are better and stronger because of what we are left with from the storm that subsided... If you actually know me... you probably know that I talk a lot about writing the happy ending to the chapters of your life story... I've come to realize that it's not always about the happy ending... it's about the story too... and I came to the next realization late in the game... but I'm happy I finally learned the lesson...you have to let everyone and every situation be what they are or what it is... not what you think someone or some situation should be... and you have to make the best of it... sometimes you can make it better... sometimes you can't.

Another thing you may or may not know about me... is I'm generally a happy person... lately it's not that I've been unhappy... but feeling somewhat at odds or adrift... so I found this book... called..."Build The Life You Want" The Art And Science of Getting Happier, written by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey... I'm always somewhat skeptical of any type of self-help book... but this one gives you things to think about every day and different ways to look at people and situations... Much of it is what I've written about here... first and foremost you can't change the past but you can alter your perception of it... by looking at all the details related to it. In addition you learn to look at the things and people and situations in your life that you are authentically grateful for... You would be amazed at what a mood booster it is... I won't go into all of it... but it's something I highly recommend it.

I've gone back and read some of the past posts and a few really stuck out...

• Remember when you wanted what you have now.
• Appreciate what you have before it turns into what you had.
• Don't wish away the power and magic of today wanting tomorrow to get here faster.

I could go on and on... I really started looking back at the archives... based on the readership history I get in reports from Blogger of what is being read... before I go on I want to thank everyone who is reading... my readership has been at an all time high this month... Thank you again.

I would like to share an Italian proverb I heard many years ago..."At the end of the chess game... the king and the pawn go back into the same box"... it took me a while to really appreciate it.

With each day as we are enjoying longer sunnier days and warmer weather... I've started dreaming my dreams and planning my summer plans... I can't stress the importance of choosing your airport outfit wisely... it's very important... we are not only judged by the company we keep... but the clothes we wear... the luggage we carry... it goes on and on... if you want to escape it... the only place it never matters is at a clothing optional beach... I think it's what I like best about them...

The sun will rise and set regardless...what we choose to do with the light while it's here is up to us... journey wisely!

I hope you will join me here next month... I'll be talking about Adventure...

Thanks for reading...

Living Your Best Life

 

First of all... A belated Happy Valentine's Day!

There was a radio show in the 40's (Before my time) ... called "The Life Of Riley" I only know about it because it was adapted into a feature film and television series by the same name... but the catch phrase "Living The Life Of Riley" boils down to living a carefree, comfortable and throughly enjoyable life... through the years I've known several people who I thought were living the life of Riley... only to learn sometimes of the turbulent troubles and problems they had but kept locked up behind closed doors... there actually have been a handful of people who thought I led the life of Riley... all of it is the impression or vibe  we give off... one of the most important things I've learned is... no one has an easy, perfect, trouble fee life; It simply does not exist except in fantasy... and it's important not to become a victim to this particular folly.

Upon reflection as I've been writing here... I am eternally grateful that I've never had some of the problems and issues  in particular that some of the people I've known who I assumed were living charmed easy lives... I've also finally learned that no one is going to come and recuse me and make things better and easier... everything is up to you... and it's all tied up in the decisions we make, the people we associate with and our overall mindset.

Sometimes the plot of our life gets unraveled and we are not really sure who we are and where we need to start to have things make sense. If we are extremely lucky we meet someone who can help us pick up the pieces and move forward... more often than not... we have to figure it out for ourselves and maybe we will meet that person or encounter the situation when the time is right. I'm a real big believer in knowing the right time and place... because as confusing as life can be... sometimes when we find that person, place or thing as the catalyst... it just feels right... and when we don't it feels wrong... don't ever second guess yourself on this one.

The places that help me feel my absolute best and brightest...are generally near the ocean... and the weather is generally quite warm with cooler breezy nights. Suffice to say I like tropical and sub-tropical places best because of the way I feel there. It's not always possible to be there physically... but if you can capture some of your favorite scents (mine is night blooming jasmine) and from that form a mindset  of what some of natures essences are that bring out the best in you... try to incorporate them in to your every day life no matter where you are in the world... much of what you are looking for is in your memory bank... don't be afraid to look for it... here is where it started with me... We all have at least one place in the world where we experience feeling of belonging, happiness and empowerment... I'm really lucky, I have a handful... but you have to be willing sometimes to go out of your comfort zone to find them.

I'm convinced that a positive mindset and happiness go hand in hand... from here you can start making the necessary changes or alterations to living your best life...and you will find your way to where your heart wants to be where you feel happy and healthy and not heavy  and hurt... but realize that there will always be grief and sorrow in life and there is nothing you can do to stop it... it would be like fighting a tidal wave... so you have to learn new ways to swim sometimes to get past it.

Let's talk for a minute about the people in your life...it took far to long for me to completely walk away from the toxic people who were in my life... blood is not thicker than water, it's just messy mostly and if it's leaving and indelible stain and shadow on your happiness and well being you have to decide if the payoff is worth the pain... for me it was not...and that manifested changes with the people I associated with personally and professionally... it's a difficult pill to swallow the first time but it's better to loose others than lose yourself. After a through house cleaning of the wrong people... you are left with quality over quantity... I was thinking recently that I used to have a lot of friends when I was younger... truth be told... I didn't have more friends... I just knew a lot of people.

When you find that one (or maybe two or three) that rock, that best friend... the one who truly gets you, that one that makes your worst days a little better...hold on tight, really tight to those people because they are the ones who come along once... maybe twice and if you are really lucky three times in a lifetime.... Once you recognize that the people in your life are either reflections of a repeated cycle you need to learn from or are the guides toward something new and better you start to recognize people for who they are... and it makes things much, much easier... and you will be less likely to be hurt from the people who do not come into your life with feelings of mutual admiration and respect... One of my biggest issues is disrespectful  behavior and attitudes... and there is a simple test...Of everything in life time is not renewable... in life and love there is almost no form of disrespect higher than wasting someones else's time... being late is a broken promise...it tells people waiting for you that you don't respect them or their time.

Start by setting goals... small goals that are easy... medium size goals that take some time and effort... and a few big goals that you can't possible achieve until you grow into the person who can. I've said before but it bears repeating... make the best decisions possible... making the worst decisions usually has a horrible outcome...

So... I hope that helps... but you need a pen and a piece of paper... write down everything that matters the will help you live your best life... my list has pieces of all the places I've been and the people I have loved, my favorite songs and books and quotes from movies...and whispered conversations in the moonlight... and Champagne.

See you next month!

New Year Resolutions

Who makes them? I really don't... for several years I've always said... I'll look back on what I did wrong this past year and try to make it right or at least improve it... from that I've always added... I'll do whatever it takes to do the best I can and do  the right thing... and since covid... on 31, December for the last few years I've lifted a glass of Champagne at midnight and said... "This year... I'm going to get older and gain weight and try not to die!"... I've sort of combined all of this into a nifty little package and these are my declarations for a new year... Well this year I'm going to amend all of this to include... I'm going to do whatever necessary for for health, happiness and well being... If you really think about it... this is a lot to achieve in just one year... but sometimes you have to carry goals and plans into another year and sometimes a year after that too. I think too many people make unrealistic unachieved goals and fail early and give up... instead of saying "I'm going to loose weight" say I'm going to loose 10 pounds and 1" off my waist (I've done it before and I can do it again) you just have to make the commitment to eat a healthier diet and get a reasonable amount of exercise every week.... if you don't like going to the gym... try swimming or playing tennis... (little secret I'm planning to sign up for tap dancing class... I already know how to tap dance... but going to a dance studio once a week sound like a fun way to get some cardio during the winter... at least to me)

A diet is more than the food we eat and the exercise regime  we  follow... start looking at it like this...

It's what you watch and read and listen to... it's the people you associate with... it's as important to be mindful of not just the food you are putting into your body but all the things that contribute to your happiness and emotional well being... with that I'm pulling back a bit from the negativity of mainstream and social media.

It took me some time to realize that you can do anything and everything you want... but the good things take work and time... I hope some of the lessons I've learned along the journey can help you too...

All of the lessons we learn from stumbling and falling and getting up and brushing ourself off and starting again give us a new strength and perspective each time...

• Don't expect any sort of honesty from people who lie to themselves.
• You will never look good trying to make someone else look bad.
• Save your explanations to people who are determined to understand you.
• Give silence to people determined to misunderstand you.
• Your life is too short to do something you hate 5 days a week for 2 days of freedom.
• Don't be upset by people you don't respect.
• Life is not tiring... but wanting a life you want but don't have the courage and confidence to achieve it is tiring.

As you are getting started on a new chapter or making resolutions...Just remember... you can do anything you dream you can... but you can't do everything at the same time...You don't have to have everything detail figured out to get started...You can restart as many times as you need to... above all else... your inner peace is too important to sacrifice along the way.

It takes bravery to break old habits... but have the courage to sit down with yourself to talk about your mistakes...Whenever you need it... have the strength to say I will not let you treat me or speak to me in this manner... If you loose site of things look back to see how far you have already come and how many bridges you have crossed (or burned when necessary)... and all the other heart pounding and sometime scary things you have already done to get to where you are now... and give yourself credit for all the little things you have done... or are going to do...Please remember you will never have everything all figured out... life is always probably going to resemble an abstract impressionistic painting... but at the same time you and life are a work in progress. Don't make the mistake of waiting for the perfect day and time... it's never going to come... but remember everybody on the planet has the same 24 hours to work with... and what you do with that time is up to you.

If like me when I was unsure of where to start... I started at the beginning... and on the first day... I went outside and got some fresh air... and felt so good I decided to spend more time outside... and realized that exercise helped me get a better nights sleep... with a clear head I was able to find the people, places and things that are meaningful to me... and built relationships from that... during this phase of getting started with something and for the rest of your life... listen to your inner voice... it will always lead you where you need to go (sometimes before you might be ready) but listen and don't let anyone including yourself talk you out of it.

Everything started changing for the better in my life when I made the decision that I could not afford to be associated with people or situations that bring out the worst in me...It's exhausting and it takes too long to recover...I chose a positive force and path that allows calmness and happiness over negativity and chaos... seems like an easy choice... but you sometimes have to step away from it to feel the differences. Some simple steps are...

• Not invited... don't go.
• Not told... don't ask.
• Invited at the last minute... decline.

With some people... you were never part of the plan... accept that... makes life so much easier... but pay attention to the people who are part of your plan and vice versa...

Whatever your goals for 2024... write a new story or continue the existing chapter with you as the hero... my motto for the year is "Keep The Vibe Alive"... I'm actually considering getting this tattoo...

I don't want to sound trite... but with the sum of loss and grief in the last few years... more than anything else I've learned that time is precious and tomorrow is not a given or a promise... so get the tattoo, eat the cake, go on the trip... take a chance while you can... if you want this to be your year don't just sit on the couch waiting for it to happen...go out and make it happen.... Be brave.

 

... where should we go next?

See you next month... me ke aloha!