Kiss Me Goodbye

I've crossed a certain intersection on PCHwy1 close to where I used to live about a zillion times but once stuck in a traffic jam listening to Billy Joel sing "Say Goodbye To Hollywood" on the radio I first started to understand that life is a series of hellos and goodbyes and moving on is the chance that you sometimes have to take... sadly near this same intersection I had to say one of the most heartbreaking and life changing goodbyes of my entire life.

It took me a long time to really appreciate that endings are just new beginnings in disguise... and if we don't take a leap of faith that is sometimes terrifying we are likely to stagnate and never realize our true potential or find our best place in life. One of my favorite inspirations is "If you want to catch the wave that is going to change your life you can't be afraid to swim outside of your comfort zone." this is especially scary as many of the waters we have to tread in life are filled with sharks both real and metaphorically. One only needs to imagine that if Meryl Streep did not have faith in herself and her talent she might have stayed in Summit New Jersey and would now be a High School drama teacher performing in community theatre (not that there is anything wrong with either choice as I've done both)... but you understand what I mean by taking a leap of faith into the unknown?

We all have moved on from bad relationships or horrible employers and these are the easy decisions (well sometimes not so easy) to make a plan to walk away from and find a new   or improved or just an updated life. Some decisions and goodbyes are made for us by the design and/or fate of others and we have to do our best to swim safely to the shore and find something or someone to buoy our spirit or simply  tread water while we devise a new plan--- but remember if you want to reach distant lands you sometimes have to have courage to loose site of the shore and sometimes you have to do it alone. (OK I promise no more platitudes this week) Some relationships and situations have clear timelines and expiration dates others don't and you have to be fairly savvy to read and interpret the signs and signals that you need to move forward.

You may need to get away to look at something different for a while to get a better perspective of what is already in front of you... one of the places that I've always liked to go to clear my thoughts is Palm Springs California... it's one of the places on earth I always wake up before the sun rises and feel refreshed and ready to face the day... there is something in the air there that stimulates me (one of those things is night blooming jasmine it's one of my favorite scents in nature)... in addition to looking at a different landscape it's wonderfully regenerating to wake up someplace different to face a new day.

But I feel the same way in Santa Fe New Mexico and in Mykonos.

I usually find that packing a bag and heading someplace with nice sunsets and/or sunrises helps to sort out the loose ends and untie the knots life sometimes throws at us... However I once spent two years living on an island in the Caribbean on what started as short holiday... I felt a bit like Shirley Valentine (If you have not seen that movie you probably should it will lift your spirits and might give you another perspective on taking a chance on yourself)... but my life was really complicated  on a personal and professional level at the time and it simply took a couple of years to sort everything out. I made wonderful new friends and memories and the experiences and insights have made me who I am today.

I've made a lot of wrong and bad decisions along the way but I always made the best decision available at the time and by alchemy chanced and/or alchemy planned the resolutions from initial or the ensuing problems led me to the place or people I eventually needed. Some decisions are easier than others to make but it all depends on the circumstances surrounding the big issue and if other people are involved etc etc etc... but one thing is always true... you can never go wrong by doing the right thing, whether it's standing up for yourself to a bully or providing your employees with good health insurance... I've said it before because I've seen it happen too many times... "When you make the worst possible decisions and choices you are likely to end up with the worst possible conclusion." and those are the  ones that are the most difficult to dig yourself out of...Sometimes you can't and you just have to pull yourself out of whatever hole you wound up in and brush yourself off and start all over again and search for the things in life that are important to you and the people who you find some common ground with and start rebuilding from the foundation up.

There are so many friends and faces in and out of our lives as we move through the different passages of  living  and dreaming our dreams and planning our plans and some are important only for the moment and won't stand the test of time that real friendship needs to thrive and grow; but if we learn the important lessons that these people are here to teach us in their brief tenure or what we have given them or if touched and tended to their spirit in some way than none are wasted moments, thoughts or gestures.

I'm going to give you a few travel and packing tips if you need to get away for a brief fling with yourself... If you stay longer than two weeks you are on your own.

I have a vintage Louis Vuitton carry on bag that if packed properly will see me through about any trip...  (Just keep in mind I tend to stay in places that are clothing optional so I don't need numerous wardrobe changes)... but you need some clothes to see the sights and get to and from the airport.

1. Go someplace warm and tropical you don't need to pack heavy and/or bulky clothing and accessories.
2. Wear your best outfit on the plane and try to pick something comfortable that will still look fresh(ish) if by fate it takes you 24 hours before you have a chance to change clothes again.
3. Pack a pair of light weight trousers that  will work with the jacket you wore on the plane (I forgot to tell you to make sure you wear a jacket + a cotton jumper (sweater) or cardigan on the plane... the blankets they hand out now are crap for trying to stay warm) a pair of jeans, a clean white and sky blue cotton long sleeved shirt, a couple pair of short pants 2-3 tank tops a couple tee-shirts one white and one in a fun color. (I'm partial to pink or turquoise) an extra cotton pull over jumper or cardigan and a short sleeved polo style shirt I'm partial to Paul & Shark (The trick is that everything should able to be worn with everything else ( I always take a pareo sarong too but that's just me; it can be optional if you wish)... a pair of sneakers and a pair of rubber slippers (most people on the mainland of the US refer to them as flip-flops) Pack whatever beauty or grooming items in the airline size regulation zip lock bag (If you need more than sample sizes of anything mail it to your destination before you leave. I don't wear undergarments as a rule but if you need them roll them up and put them in your shoes. Take an extra pair of dress socks for your return flight or if someone invites you someplace fancy ... almost done... a bathing frock of your choice a hat to protect  your face and hair from the sun and a notebook and pen for jotting down ideas and for making plans... and don't forget your camera. Leave your laptop at home... you are unplugged from everything you left behind to contemplate. If you need to wear glasses pack an extra pair just in case... and a small bottle of Forever New fabric wash (ideal for hand washing in hotel sinks) If you need anything else buy it when you get there or ship it ahead with your grooming articles.
4. Make sure you pack Purell and use it on the armrests and tray table... aircraft are filthy... don't even think about using the seat pocket in front of you... I've seen people leave dirty disposable diapers in there... ditto with the blankets and pillows unless you are on the first flight of the day and it's in a plastic bag.
5. Be friendly to everyone but try to keep a nice cool pleasant distance (think Greta Garbo) as you are there to sort your life out... not get laid or play a supporting role in some new drama... (I've broken this rule more times than I can count) and sometimes it has actually helped (the getting laid business not the vacation drama part)  instead of becoming a stress and decision add-on.
6. Don't be afraid to take a chance on yourself and try some of the new things life and this destination has to offer you... if you buy something you might want to consider mailing it home as your bag is already pretty full. (I sometimes buy local news papers and magazines and ship everything plus any pre-shipped oversize grooming and beauty items home at book rate).
7. If something tells you to leave early or extend your stay listen to youe inner-voice! It's usually always right!
   

The beauty of traveling lightly in life and on short trips is that it sets you free to enjoy yourself and not worry about excess baggage... literally or metaphorically. Have fun and make sure to  mail me a postcard!